Rivals
by Falcon8492
Summary: When Finn and Jake uncover a relic of the Old World, events are set in motion that will change Ooo. Lines are drawn, loyalties are tested, and a rivalry is born. Rated M for language, adult themes, and violence.
1. Prologue: The Mushroom War

**A/N: If you're reading this, then thank you very much! Please let me know what you think. It's not really my best work, but I hope you enjoy nonetheless! May or may not continue based on the response this gets.**

Prologue: The Mushroom War

"God help us all."

Captain Gary Warren stood paralyzed in shock at what had just transpired. He had just witnessed the President of the United States authorize the use of its entire nuclear arsenal in a retaliatory strike. From bases all across the nation and abroad, nuclear-tipped spears rose from their silos and metal beasts took to the skies with bellies filled with death. At sea, leviathans spat their fire from below the ocean's surface to answer the call to war. Humanity had opted to end itself with a bang rather than a whimper, but Captain Warren could only silently curse its fate nonetheless.

It was true that for 75 years human civilization had begun to rapidly slip into decline. Limited scale nuclear exchanges, once considered unthinkable, were commonplace by the time World War III erupted in earnest in 2158. Technological development, once exponentially growing with the promise of ushering in a new golden age, had now stagnated for nearly one hundred years for the vast majority of mankind, while what new technological advances were made were hoarded by governments and their militaries. Israel, Iran, India, Pakistan, and many other nations lied in radioactive ruins, their precious resources locked off to the rest of the world by radiation and area denial weapons systems. As resources became more difficult to obtain, trade relations between once allied nations began to break down and the already weak world economy fell to tatters.

There was always some glimmer of hope, however. Despite the tensions and the immense costs, there had been a few successful multinational efforts that pointed to a brighter future. Space stations were constructed, colony missions to Luna and Mars were well in the works, and there were even plausible rumors that temporal and inter-dimensional travel were within mankind's grasp at last. But this final international exchange would undo all of that.

Warren felt a surge of emotions shoot through him. Anger and sadness were to be expected, but one seemed to stand out over even those. Guilt. Warren was currently miles beneath the Earth's surface at Raven Rock Mountain Complex. Site R7 was the newest addition to the facility, which had grown immensely from its Cold War origins, and was said to be able to hypothetically withstand even the Yellowstone volcano's expected seismic activity. The same could not be said for the around 450 million Americans on the surface. His friends, family, countrymen, the best he could hope for was that they be vaporized in the blast and not have to endure death by radiation poisoning. Officially, the US' ground, air, and satellite based anti-missile systems were to make short work of any incoming nukes, but the sad truth was that while hundreds if not thousands of missiles and bombers would indeed be stopped, there were simply too many to handle. Even if the systems worked at peak efficiency, enough damage would be done such that the US as it was presently known would effectively cease to exist.

A conflict raged within him. The United States would not survive the incoming assault, so launching in retaliation at this point just seemed spiteful and pointless. If the US was destined to die this day, he felt that humanity itself should at least have been given a chance to outlast Armageddon. With the amount of firepower he had just witnessed unleashed, however, it was increasingly unlikely that advanced life of any type would continue on Earth for quite some time. A red haze seemed to cloud his thoughts and senses, and he heard a voice he recognized as his own cry out a query in indignation.

"Do you people care what you've just done? The chances of humanity's extinction were high enough before you just ordered the apocalypse doubled by adding our arsenal!"

"You will be silent, Captain!" barked a Colonel. Warren's resolve momentarily faltered.

"Mr. President, Warren (A/N Francis E. Warren Air Force Base) requests confirmation to launch Project Obsidian," interjected a General.

How ironic, to share a name with the nucleus tasked with coordinating this insane nightmare.

"Confirmed, General."

What the hell was Project Obsidian? Being attached to the Joint Chiefs' staff meant that Warren often overheard classified information that he both knew nothing about and was somehow sworn to secrecy from divulging. This always irked the young man, but with the imminent end of everything he knew and loved, he felt something more. His rage intensified and he no longer cared about insubordination or the consequences. He wanted answers.

"We and a handful of other bases are all that's going to be left of the United States and possibly all of humanity in twenty minutes and you damn well know it! I don't care who the hell you are, I demand to hear you justify this, Mr. President!"

The President and the JCS turned to Warren, and the Marine General shouted for his silence. Everyone in the underground war room was paying attention now. The President merely lifted a hand, however, and spoke.

"It's alright, General." The President wore a tired expression on his face that had every decision he'd ever made carved into its wrinkles and seared into his white hair. Though being only 54 years old, he looked to be pushing 70, and at this moment, he looked positively ancient. With a sigh, he addressed everyone in the room. "Everyone here has a right to know. Project Obsidian is either to be our salvation or our greatest mistake. I know I'm butchering the science behind it, but I understand that some of our scientists have been developing a means to manipulate time and space. However, they reported that in layman's terms, they would need the fabric of reality itself to be weakened around them to do so. According to our best intel, Russia has managed to create such a weak point. Given enough activation energy, we can expand this weak point into a tear wide enough to reach our facilities and attempt to transport a small group of representatives into the past to attempt to avert this crisis and potentially save all of humanity, including those we've lost in this war. There is a very real chance, however, that attempting this could destroy the Earth entirely. We already stand at the brink of annihilation. A unique, high-velocity re-entry ICBM with a fusion warhead is launching as I speak. The resulting explosion should provide enough activation energy to open the rift."

"Who's going through, sir? And what happens to the rest of us?" asked a Corporal.

"Myself and the Joint Chiefs of Staff have been selected by Congress to pass through. R7 is equipped with everything we need. If we are successful, you will have no memory of the events of this timeline."

"What if the fusion warhead is shot down?"

"That is the purpose behind the full launch. The other nuclear warheads should provide a distraction for their defense systems. We didn't have time to disarm their warheads before launch," he added, looking directly into Warren's eyes. "That's all the questions I can answer; we haven't much time. This is our last hope, ladies and gentlemen. Now we haven't much time. Enemy missiles will impact the base in fifteen minutes. Ours won't impact for another twenty." He turned to face the Joint Chiefs of Staff. "Gentlemen, prepare your troops."

Warren felt slightly comforted by comforted by the President's words; it was a relief to hear that there was a worthwhile objective behind this gambit, even if it was going to be an all or nothing shot. What he didn't understand was why if the President genuinely felt that everyone had a right to know, he didn't say anything sooner. Then again, events were unfolding at quite a rapid pace, despite its feeling of eternity.

The next several minutes passed in a slow-motion blur of efficiency despite the now palpable smell of fear and worry in the air. Surface personnel were called into the facility and heavy blast doors sealed behind them. Emergency response personnel readied for damage control duties. The President, the Joint Chiefs of Staff, and their aides, Warren included, relocated to one of the several maintenance only areas. Upon arrival, the President spoke a code into an intercom and the "maintenance door" opened to reveal a rather sizeable hallway from which several men and women in lab coats were rapidly approaching. Warren noted that as the door shut behind them, yet another set of independent blast doors were shut in front of it and began being fused to the frame by some unseen welding device around the edges.

"The door is sealing shut behind you. Nothing is getting into or out of this room again. Don't worry, Mr. President. It won't have been sealed yet when we transport you back, and for the rest of us it won't matter." The lead scientist looked grim as he said the last bit.

"Lead the way." said the President.

The group was led back down the long hallway, then down another branching off its left. At the end, there was a high speed cargo elevator that took them all down an unknown amount of distance until opening into a very large laboratory. Despite the more pressing matters on his mind, Warren was silently impressed; this place was a marvel of engineering. At the center of the lab there was a large pad underneath a glowing blue orb hanging from a massive machine on the ceiling. On all sides around the walls were computer equipment terminals, status meters, and various machines of types and complexity Warren did not recognize. Support columns ran throughout the facility, all of them covered like ivy with pipes, wires, and other manner of mechanical complexities.

The lead scientist led the President and his top military advisors to the pad, and directed the rest of the support staff to take up positions at various stations around the complex. It was technician's work; they must not have made it before the base lockdown. When everyone was in place, everyone braced themselves as the head scientist took his position on a platform behind the orb. A minute or so of silent waiting followed, which felt like an hour. Then the lead scientist announced a countdown to impact. He did not even need a microphone; the room was surprisingly acoustic.

"Seven, six, five, four, three, two, one…" The room was deathly silent for three more seconds before a low growl was heard followed by a jarring shockwave that rattled the room.

"Missile impact four miles north-northwest!"

Another three growls were heard and the room began to tremble more violently.

"Missile impacts six miles north, four miles east, one mile southeast! They're tacticals!"

These were bombs in the kiloton yields and they were having an effect this far down?

"Fusion warhead detonated! Thirty seconds to rift expansion!"

Thirty-two seconds later, a horrible shockwave greater than any produced by the tactical nukes rocked the facility, throwing many off their feet. Equipment began to make unhealthy noises from the strain.

"Space weakening! All techs initiate startup sequence!"

The blue orb began to glow brighter and brighter as techs read out reports and numbers. Warren's station was reporting levels within the range he had been instructed to watch for.

"INCOMING! BRACE FOR IMPACT!"

A deafening roar sounded through the facility. The temperature seemed to rise by twenty degrees. Bits of damaged equipment and reinforced concrete began to separate from the ceiling, walls, and supports.

"Direct hit on The Rock! Site R7 Levels 1-7 breached! We've lost contact with Sites RT, R1, R3, and R4!"

Warren saw the numbers on the screen in front of him begin to rise well beyond the point he had been instructed to monitor.

"SIR! These levels are rising too high!"

An explosion ripped through the complex, sending a team of scientists on one of the walls flying and spraying blood all the way to Warren's console near the center.

"WE'RE LOSING CONTAINMENT! DAMAGE CONTROL!"

"GAAAAAHHHH!"

"No, NO, NOOOO!"

A chorus of voices screaming in stress, pain, and outright panic sounded a symphony of chaos. Warren was knocked to the ground by another violent explosion he could not see the source of. Trying to get up, he felt a sharp pain in his side as a piece of shrapnel ripped straight through him. "AAARRGH!"

"THE PRESIDENT'S DOWN!"

These words managed to find their way through the pain and Warren turned his head to the pad. The President was on all fours, blood squirting out in pulses from between his fingers which had reached upward to cover a gaping tear in his neck. Two of the five JCS members that were accompanying the president appeared to be at the very least severely wounded if not dead, lying motionless. The blue orb began to emit arcs of energy around the pad. One of the JCS attempted to move to assist the dying President, but was hit by one of the arcs and collapsed into a smoking heap as the smell of burnt flesh began to fill the air. More explosions rocked the facility and now large portions of the lab appeared to be collapsing. A hapless scientist screamed in agony as a support column collapsed and crushed his leg.

"THE RIFT IS OPEN! SOMEONE GET TO IT! THIS WHOLE PLACE IS COMING DO-YAAAAHH!"

A severed arm landed not too far from where Warren was trying to stand once more. There were fewer than half of the staff left alive and none were moving. Warren could make out a scientist huddled in a fetal position sobbing curses to himself. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, I don't wanna die!"

Warren looked back to the center platform which seemed to have opened a portal of some sort. A guard attempted to run to it but was struck down by one of the arcs, falling with a loud thud and his gun clattering to the floor. One of the female staffers met the same fate. Warren knew it was a suicide charge, but rose to his feet and bolted for the portal. Another piece of shrapnel tore through his chest, causing him to double over in searing pain. The word "shit" played in his mind over and over again as he began to wheeze and saw a blood stain collecting just to the left of where he was sure his heart would be. He felt the strength begin to fade from him and his vision began to blur. He was going into shock. Summoning the last of his strength, he crawled onto the pad and reached out for the portal.

A bright flash filled the facility before the blue orb exploded.


	2. Dungeon?

Chapter One: Dungeon?

"Watch it Jake, more giant rats! Hi-yah!"

The unusually sized rodent squeaked in pain from the kick to its face and retreated into the large crack in the wall from whence it came. A few feet away, a golden colored bulldog faced down two more of the creatures. They glared menacingly with glowing red eyes, baring razor sharp yellowed teeth at the canine. Neither was expecting their adversary to suddenly double in size. Hesitating from the shock of this unexpected development, neither realized until it was too late that a pair of large golden hammers had formed on their flanks until the wind was knocked out of them and their skulls met with a sickening crunch. The rats stood dazed looking for a moment, before collapsing onto their sides. A small group of the rats, having witnessed the fates of their brethren, hissed angrily at the heroes before they too skittered away, resigned to defeat.

The golden bulldog named Jake shrank down to his normal stature.

"Hey, Finn, this dungeon is kinda boring. We've been in here an hour and all we've been fighting is these rats." His right arm stretched behind him and clocked another rat that had apparently been bold enough to attempt to sneak up on him over the head.

The young human man turned to his companion, a serious look on his face. "Bubblegum said this place was dangerous. Maybe there are monsters trying to lure us into a false sense of security." Finn the human narrowed his eyes and scanned the room from left to right and back. "We need to keep our guard up, man. Like ninjas."

The dog's eyes widened and his face took an expression of serious contemplation as though struck by an epiphany. "Riiiiight," he whispered. "You're right, dude!"

The duo surveyed the area they were in. It was a large hallway, with walls of concrete, smooth in some places, collapsed in others with large chunks of rebar jutting out at odd angles. Skeletons lied scattered about. Visibility was somewhat limited, as the torch Finn was using only projected a few dozen yards in any given direction and there was no other light source.

The hero reached under his trademark hat to scratch an itch. For the most part, Finn's overall style hadn't changed much in the past few years. At age 18, he was obviously larger than his past self; his hat used to be large on him, but now it was just big enough to cover his head. To compensate for the lack of space to pile his hair in he now kept his hair at a much shorter level, though it still appeared wild and unkempt. The rest of his attire was, for the most part, larger versions of his former trademark blue shorts and shirt, and green backpack. His boots had been traded in for a much sturdier pair of steel-reinforced leather boots not unlike pre-war combat boots. Physically, he remained somewhat skinny with slender arms and legs, however the muscles he did have showed very clearly. What he lacked in mass, however, he made up for in efficiency. Finn was uncannily strong and agile for someone as lean as he was now.

Finn and Jake continued down the large hall in silence for several minutes. It seemed to be sloping very steeply downward now.

"Hey, Finn, check this out!"

Looking to where Jake was pointing, Finn noticed letters painted on the wall, faded with age and some pieces missing where the wall was worn away. **R-V- -OC- M-N- C-EX**. Underneath and better preserved were the letters **SITE R7**.

"There's something on the opposite wall, too."

Approaching the wall with the torch Finn noticed a stylized drawing of a large black bird. "What do you think it means, Jake? Jake just shrugged his shoulders. "Hmm."

Continuing down the hall even further, it finally leveled off, opening into a large garage. Old vehicles were parked neatly in rows. Trucks large and small appeared to be parked with others of their type. Some sported broken windows or smashed frames from ceiling debris. Further back were vehicles encased in metal and sporting large guns protruding from turrets on top. Finn remembered from Banana Man that these were called "tanks" and were pre-war combat vehicles.

"Dude, I think this dungeon is pre-Mushroom War!"

"That means…" Jake stopped himself from saying anything further but he could tell by the look on Finn's face that the damage was done. Finn was still very touchy when it came to thinking about his people. In all the years of adventuring with his adoptive brother Jake had only met two other humans, Finn's father Martin which was an unpleasant encounter to say the least, and Ice King's old fiancé Betty who had left for parts unknown two years ago and was not seen or heard from since. (A/N: I know Susan Strong's status is up for debate, but for the purposes of this story, I am assuming she was Hyooman.)

This place must have been built by Finn's people over a thousand years ago. Sure, there were other ruins and artifacts from humanity around Ooo, but being part of the landscape, they just sort of blended into the new world. This place could have things sealed inside that didn't survive elsewhere. Was that the real reason Princess Bubblegum sent them here? "Finn, we don't have to-"

"Yes, Jake. I do."

Jake frowned, but stepped forward. "Let's get going, then."

The duo made for the back wall of the garage, where a very large elevator shaft led down into a black abyss of unknown depth. Picking up a large chunk of rubble, Finn dropped it down the pit and listened for it to hit bottom. It took almost thirty seconds. Finn looked hesitantly at Jake.

"I can do it, dude. I'm not getting THAT old." With that, Jake picked up Finn and set him on his back, then began to stretch them down. By the time they reached the bottom, Jake was panting heavily and sweat was dripping from his face. (A/N Dogs don't have sweat glands but Jake sweats in the show, so I'm going with mutation, just in case you were wondering)

"See dude? *Huff* No sweat!" Finn knew better than to press the issue, so he pretended not to notice the small pool forming underneath his companion.

This part looked different than the area they had just come from. The corridors were narrower and things looked to be in better overall shape, despite still looking much the worse for the wear than it must have in its heyday. Stepping forward into a lobby, Finn's adventurer reflexes barely saved him from death from the still-functional automated turrets that flanked the security desk.

"Whoa!"

The dual rotary miniguns on each turret suddenly springing to life also managed to kick up a very thick layer of dust, which when combined with the rubble they were making of the door and wall behind them formed a dust cloud that quickly reduced visibility in the room to zero. Two clangs of metal on metal and some electrical sparking noises later and the gunfire was no more.

"*Cough, cough* JAKE!"

"I'm okay!"

The two coughed and waited for the dust to settle. When it finally did, Jake dropped down from being pressed flat against the ceiling. Finn turned to look at his attackers. The turrets looked mostly intact; Finn had managed to cut their power lines. On the ground all around them were shells, most of which still had the unfired bullets attached. (A/N Ammo goes bad over time. Although it can last for centuries, the Mushroom War was over a thousand years ago, remember. Gatling cannons are most often electrically powered, meaning it doesn't rely on recoil to chamber the next round and the previous round gets cycled whether it fires or not.) Despite his lack of knowledge on firearms, Finn knew that encounter could have gone a lot worse.

"Hey, Finn, this computer over here works!" Jake was standing behind the security desk now.

A skeleton sat in a chair clad in the remains of a helmet and ballistic vest. The rest of whatever uniform he was wearing was rotted away. Finn gently pushed the remains of the deceased guard to the side to read the screen. **INT DETECTED/ INT EMRG PWR/ ALMS ACTIVE/ EMRG LTS Y/N?** Hmm. Finn honestly had little to no idea what any of these meant, but the last seemed to be a Yes or No prompt. Figuring that he had a 50/50 chance of picking the 'correct' response, Finn followed his hero instincts and pressed 'Y'. A groaning noise began to fill the air and Finn readied his sword in alarm. However, after a few seconds a small portion of the ceiling lights flickered on. While still dark, the lights provided enough brightness to render the now burnt-out torch dropped during the initial attack unnecessary.

The newfound light also illuminated several features of the room including new words and symbols on the walls. Behind the security desk there were five seals. The one in the center was largest and depicted a large bird with outstretched wings holding a branch in one talon and a bundle of arrows in the other. On the bird's chest was a patterned shield. Along the borders it read: "Seal of the President of the United States". The others appeared less grandiose, but all shared common symbols. Army, Air Force, Navy, Marine Corps, all of them bore the title of the United States. Finn was no archeologist, but his curiosity for the things and people these represented swelled. He would have to ask Princess Bubblegum what she knew when he got back.

"Whoa, math!"

As the rest of the facility was more labyrinthine than its entrance, Finn and Jake spent several hours going from room to room, only occasionally molested by giant bugs or other low-level wildlife. They uncovered numerous artifacts for their collection of loot: Gold bars, precious gems, and other such treasures, but the yield was still very small in comparison to their normal haul. While Princess Bubblegum instructed them to bring back certain types of ancient tech and make note of and acquire examples of any new forms if possible, they found little that wasn't run of the mill even for Ooo. Jake was beginning to grow annoyed at this places' lack of value, and Finn quietly disheartened by its lack of answers. Sighing, Finn opened a simple maintenance door to peek inside. What he found surprised him. Unlike the other utility rooms in the base, this one was not merely a closet full of assorted pipes and wires. This one revealed a much larger room guarded by a massive blast door the likes of which neither Finn nor Jake had seen since the descent. The wall housed a fancy looking keypad whose buttons glowed green; a telltale sign that it still had power. Finn pulled a pink doodad from underneath his shirt that Princess Bubblegum had given him. Powering it on, a holographic form of the Princess herself suddenly stood in miniature in the center.

"Hello?" The Princess' voice was garbled sounding, Finn shifted about the room until it became more clear. "Hello? Finn? Is that you?"

"Hey, Princess. We're in that dungeon you sent us to. I think I found some sort of secret room but there's a mondo-mega door in the way."

"Show me." Finn rotated the device so that holographic Bubblegum was facing the door and keypad. "Hmm. Should be simple enough. Use the electronic lock pick I gave you. Just stick the electrodes anywhere on the keypad." Finn did as he was told. Several bleeping and blooping noises were emitted from the device, and the keypad on the wall flashed several times before a loud 'clunk' was heard and Bubblegum's lock pick device displayed a cutesy 'All done!' on its status screen. A loud alarm began to blare as the doors slid open with a hideous metal screech. "I have to go, Finn, I'm very busy."

"Later, P-bubs." Finn made ready to toss the device in a random direction before Princess Bubblegums' voice came shrilly from the device once more.

"AND DON'T TOSS THAT COMMUNICATOR THIS TIME! IT'S AN UPGRADED MODEL, THESE THINGS ARE VERY EXPENSIVE AND I EXPECT TO GET THIS ONE BACK!"

Finn's face turned tomato red and he froze before slowly putting the necklace back on and slipping the communicator pendant back under his shirt.

"What the gunk is that racket, man?" Jake had been drawn from the room he was searching by the commotion.

"I think I found a secret room."

Jake gasped and his face lit up like it was Christmas. "Whoa, if it's secret there might be something valuable in there!" Rushing ahead through the now opened blast doors, Jake was put out to find another elevator shaft. "Aww, nuts." Seeing Finn eyeing him, the dog quickly changed his tune. "I mean, hop on, man, this'll be a cakewalk."

Another sweaty elevator trip later, Finn and Jake found the bottom of this shaft to be filled with debris. Clearing an opening, Finn looked ahead into the hall. Another massive blast door was welded into place just ahead. This would have posed a major hindrance were it not for the fact that a massive hole was blown all the way through it wide enough for three men to pass through. Through the hole, a blue glow could be seen. The brothers stepped through the hole and stared down a large corridor, at the end of which the glow seemed to be emanating.

Cautiously approaching the light, the two walked in anticipation as though on a walk to death itself. Stepping through the doorway at the end, both adventurers stood in shock at what they witnessed. A massive laboratory laid in ruins worse than anything they'd seen. And at the center of this mass of destruction was the source of the glow. On his knees, encased in glowing energy and amongst a circle of bones and shattered glass was a human. And by the looks of things, he was alive.


	3. Bonnie

**A/N: Short chapter here, but it's as long as I think fits. Princess Bubblegum seems to be one of the more divisive characters in Adventure Time; some people love her, some think she's candy Satan. I always thought of PB as being an anti-hero of sorts. A genuinely kind and good person who's experiences and responsibilities have shaped them into a more cold figure than the idealistic young Finn. I also think she's probably got a few inner demons in there, but don't most people? Anyway, if you enjoy, please let me know. If you hate it, please let me know anyway.**

Chapter Two: Bonnie

Princess Bonnibel Bubblegum sighed as she examined herself in the mirror. The Candy Kingdom Economic Summit was coming to a close with a formal state dinner in two hours. While the pink princess was looking forward to resuming business as usual without the added stress of long meetings regarding the sugar/meat trade, entertaining royal dignitaries, putting up with her Banana Guards' incompetence at organizing security for the event, or the other four hundred and twenty tasks to juggle, business as usual wasn't exactly a picnic, either. Re-focusing on the task at hand, Bubblegum found her dress ill-fitting and her hairstyle didn't really match the formal gown. Debating on whether to try a new outfit or make this one work, she decided on the latter. Judging that her current form was unfit for the attire, she strode to her nightstand and picked a flower from the princess plant resting there.

Taking a deep breath, Bubblegum popped the sweet flower into her mouth and let it swiftly dissolve. A surge of magical energy shot through her, and focusing on her desired shift, felt her body begin to soften. Her features began to change in subtle ways; her hips widened, her legs became fuller, her waist slimmed, and her chest became more buxom. When the transformation was complete, Princess Bubblegum looked herself over in the mirror again. The process had gone exactly as she desired. The dress fit perfectly now, hugging her body like a glove. Still conservatively proportioned, it showed off enough of her womanly charms to make her unusually beautiful but without losing any class or taste in the process. Her hair was drawn back to shoulder length and styled into a bob.

It was a secret borne of personal vanity with a hint of cultural and personal privacy that no one, living or deceased, had seen Bubblegum in her "natural" form for over 800 years. Were she to go back to her form at the time of her birth, she would greatly resemble a smaller, detached version of the sentient pink ooze from which she spawned. It was very early in her childhood that she discovered that the same forces responsible for locomotion in her natural form could be applied to allow her to shape her body into rudimentary forms and shapes, allowing her to use various forms to accomplish specialized tasks. Refining on this process, Bubblegum gained greater control of her shape, as well as gaining the ability to change her overall consistency. These developments allowed her to semi-permanently alter her physical characteristics, at least until she willed them otherwise. As an amorphous mass, she could theoretically mold herself into any form she chose, though doing so required massive amounts of energy. It was simpler, therefore, to keep a basic general form and only make minor alterations to it as needed. Unbeknownst to many, her princess plant was not so much a magical appearance alteration tool as it was a catalyst and fuel source for her own natural abilities.

Satisfied with her appearance, PB decided to go through her closing speeches one more time for good measure. They were stale, boring, and largely passionless, but Bubblegum didn't even have to read her notes to know them word for word. She sighed and frowned again. For the first time in many months, Princess Bubblegum felt as old as she really was. Her sweet demeanor and youthful appearance hid a very worn and tired soul. She had put so many of her personal passions on the back burner or abandoned them altogether for the sake of her people and what she felt was her calling and responsibility of rebuilding society. Though she wouldn't give it up for anything, sometimes her responsibilities made her feel so… _lonely_.

Aggressively pushing the thought aside, Bubblegum reminded herself that she was adored by thousands of her candy people "children". Peppermint Butler always listened to her most personal inner thoughts and worries and offered support that only a loving companion could give. Her champion, Finn, always came running to her aid when she called, and even several times when she didn't. Finn… Bubblegum hadn't received any transmissions from him in over five hours since she helped him past that blast door. PB began to worry. This was not the first time she had broken into an Old World military base, either personally or by proxy. Civilian ruins were generally easy to access, but had either already been picked over by survivors and scavengers, had worn away to age and neglect, or held little significance to her mission to rebuild society. For example, once she had found a convenience store and determined its use, other convenience stores she'd uncovered didn't yield much, if any, new data. Military bases, on the other hand, were often well armored against the bombs that laid ruin to so much else, were durable enough to withstand the years, and had technology more advanced and better preserved than civilian counterparts. The price, however, was that many remained guarded, intentionally or otherwise, by their very contents and defenses. Land mines, automated turrets, radiation leaks, toxic chemicals, and a host of other potential hazards made studying these places dangerous.

For Finn, these hazards paled in comparison to the likes of things he'd already defeated. The Lich, Darren, demons, monsters, and wizards; none could hope to best Finn, and most of those had been defeated at some point before he'd grown up. Finn was more skilled and lethal than ever before as he entered adulthood, and it seemed that there were few obstacles he could not overcome. While such physical hazards were always on PB's mind when she planned a mission like this, and she in no way underestimated them, she found herself more concerned with the psychological hazards. She told Finn and Jake that they were to investigate a dungeon she'd uncovered, despite knowing full well that a United States military installation was no dungeon. At the time, it had seemed to be a perfect solution to some of the potential problems the information could have caused. The Candy Kingdom had benefited greatly over the years from her successful attempts to reverse-engineer various systems and devices she had gained from these places. This gave the Kingdom an edge over the others, allowing it leverage in trading, increased influence, and maintaining a balance of power. If other kingdoms caught on, all of this would be disrupted by their own advances. Common knowledge had it that PB had invented these marvels in her lab in the Candy Castle. It was a half-truth at best, and one that troubled her ethically, but one that worked to her advantage so she didn't dare squander it. It was for the greater good in the long run. Bubblegum used this advantage to better Ooo. She shuddered to think of what the likes of Lemongrab would do with it. Besides, Finn and Jake were always pumped to loot a dungeon, and there was no sense in dampening the spirit of adventure that made them so successful with heavily classified information. There was an eighty percent likelihood that neither Finn nor Jake would discover anything amiss about this assignment at all; she hated to think of her friends this way, but they weren't exactly in possession of genius level intellect.

Upon reflection, however, she began to realize the full extent of what could go wrong with this plan. Despite his physical and mental toughness, Finn was a sensitive soul deep down, and especially so with people he trusted. Bubblegum knew that Finn still struggled with his being the last of his kind. A pre-war military base could provide a very unpleasant reminder of this for him. Military installations often contained examples of the most potent societal symbols built into their aesthetics. In the event Finn and Jake realized this and Finn was hurt emotionally, she would have to either admit that she lied to them for the safety of her Kingdom, or lie further to shield them from the truth. Neither was beginning to look particularly appealing. Guilt began to gnaw at her at the realization that she had semi-willingly manipulated someone she cared about. She'd tried for several years to reform some of these questionable habits, but manipulating people was just so _easy_.

"Princess! Finn and Jake have returned from their mission. They urgently request your immediate presence at the Candy Kingdom infirmary." Peppermint Butler had entered without Bubblegum's notice, and the sudden sound of his voice startled her. Once she absorbed his words, however, an icy feeling began to wash over her.

"What happened? Are they okay?"

"Yes, Princess. They say they found something requiring your immediate attention."

Princess Bubblegum immediately set out for the infirmary. It was about a ten minute brisk walk from her chambers. Peppermint Butler in tow, she began to question him further. "Did they say anything else?"

"They said that they found a man in the lowest room, and they're not sure if he's alive. Doctor Princess and Doctor Ice Cream are at a loss as well. There is one more thing, however…" Peppermint Butler paused his speech, unsure of how to report the unusual details.

"How can they not be sure he's alive?" asked PB with a puzzled look on her face.

"He's trapped in… something."

"Describe it to me."

"It's a glowing blue field of magic or energy or something. I've never seen anything like it!" That was saying something, since Peppermint Butler was several centuries old himself and regularly practiced demonic rituals, was friends with Death, and was one of the only people other than Bubblegum to regularly witness the workings of PB's personal laboratory.

"Hmm, is it doing anything else?"

"Princess, that other detail… he's human."

Peppermint Butler's words froze her in her tracks. Finn had found another human? A million thoughts rushing through her head, she unfroze and broke into a run.

**A/N: PS. I've been fiddling around with the idea of adding a romance subplot to this story if only to give romantic writing a try. Lemons aren't really my thing, so don't expect those unless I get overwhelming demand for it. Please let me know what you think.**


	4. Intensive Care

Chapter Three: Intensive Care

Finn the Human waited anxiously for Princess Bubblegum's arrival. Doctor Ice Cream, Doctor Princess, and Nurse Pound Cake were busily seeing to their patient, setting up scanning equipment and examining what they could as the strange field surrounding him seemed to repel touch like trying to touch the wrong ends of magnets. Jake had stretched into a sphere around the figure and carried it inside all the way to the Candy Kingdom. The additional effort clearly took its toll on Jake, who was passed out sleeping on his back in one of the beds on the opposite aisle, his limbs hanging off the edges and a small droplet of drool accumulating at the corner of his mouth as he snored loudly.

"Hmm. Looks like he's in something science-y. I'll be honest, I don't really know exactly what I'm looking at here." Doctor Princess cocked her head to the side as she said this.

"I've never seen anything like this!" Doctor Ice Cream exclaimed, trying to poke through the field with her medical equipment, to no avail. Nurse Pound Cake hovered behind Dr Ice Cream, anxiously awaiting orders.

Suddenly, the door burst open. Finn jumped and turned, mouth open ready to speak, expecting Princess Bubblegum and Peppermint Butler. What he saw instead made his stomach involuntarily turn. Three clown nurses were approaching fast. In a matter of seconds they had traversed the space down the ward and immediately surrounded the unconscious man, much to Doctors Ice Cream and Princess' chagrin.

"OOOH! POOR BABY!" The first clown nurse shrieked in an unnervingly cutesy voice. The clown nurses attempted to position the poor man for some "love therapy" but found themselves repulsed by the energy field. "Oh, NOOOO! This is serious, girls! He needs more intensive care!" The two nurses rounded the table to flank their leader, giggling shrilly.

Finn, meanwhile, stood silently sweating and shaking at a far distance. These nurses had "treated" him on Jake's request several times before, and were the primary reason for Finn's coulrophobia. It's quite a good thing Jake was not awake, as he had a tendency to encourage some of their more creepy behaviors.

"He needs a happy show!" One of the supporting nurses called. Despite his natural desire to be involved in the treatment of one of the last surviving members of his species, Finn strongly considered silently slipping out of the room in fear.

"Thank you, nurses, but that won't be necessary. I'll take it from here." Princess Bubblegum had arrived at last. Finn had a ton of questions he wanted to ask the Princess, but the look she had on her face Finn recognized from many years of service. Her mind was clearly at work, and no questions would be entertained nor interruptions tolerated until she had completed her thought process.

"But Princess, this pa-"

"I need everyone with the exceptions of Doctor Princess, Doctor Ice Cream, and Nurse Pound Cake to leave the room **immediately**." The weight behind the final word was enough to defeat the clown nurse. Looking quite put out, she gestured to her companions and they slowly began to exit the room. "Finn, take Jake with you and guard the exits. No one gets in, understood?"

"But PB-"

"Don't argue with me, Finn!" Bubblegum rarely raised her voice at Finn, and when she did, it was usually for a very good reason. Resigned to the fact that he would not get his answers now, Finn woke Jake and informed him of their instructions before leaving the room dejectedly to carry them out.

"Peppermint Butler, inform the guests that I have an emergency situation and cannot attend the closing ceremonies. Do NOT tell them what's going on, and get them out of here as soon as possible."

"Right away, your highness."

Princess Bubblegum turned to face the remaining science and medical professionals. "Alright, ladies, what do we have so far?" The three proceeded to inform her in detail of their attempts to breach the field. Doctor Princess offered that the field looked scientific and not magical in origin, to which Bubblegum assented, despite her opinion that what was commonly regarded as magic in Ooo was just science nobody completely understood just yet. Visually, at least, there was little doubt that this specimen was a pre-war human, and the context of his discovery lent even more weight to the evidence pile that this was the case. Multiple cuts and scrapes covered the human's visible skin, while large wounds surrounded by fresh blood soaking into the surrounding uniform suggested much more serious trauma, but it was impossible as of yet to determine how bad. As for the uniform itself, the various decorations marking it suggested that its wearer was a member of the United States Air Force.

Based on this evidence, Bubblegum theorized that the soldier was trapped in a temporal stasis field. This was problematic, as while she had the capability to eliminate the field and restore him to normal space/time, doing so was likely to kill him unless they had a quick treatment plan available. And with the field intact, there was too much interference for her equipment to get accurate readings on his condition. Her two best options were to either gather all available medical resources then work quickly upon release, or to attempt to upgrade her equipment to get accurate readings.

A third solution crept into Bubblegum's mind; eliminate the human. Bubblegum's inner consciousness seemed to split in two at the thought. A calm but cold voice spoke of the potential benefits. This human would undoubtedly eventually notice that she had been hoarding his people's knowledge. She had no idea what this man's values or agenda was. Why risk a potentially dangerous situation by bringing him back? Because not doing so would be wrong, input a soft yet indignant voice. It was entirely possible for one doing the right thing to undo the greater good and vise versa, the other voice retorted. Was she willing to endanger nearly a thousand years of building civilization for the sake of one person the world thought to be dead already? Besides, this guy probably couldn't handle waking up a thousand years later, everything he knew and loved long dead. That's impossible to determine for certain and not her right to decide, the soft voice countered. Imagine the knowledge this man could have, perhaps he could be an ally, or at least a unique resource to answer history's questions. Think of the good that could be done with such knowledge, not just for the candy people, but eventually all of Ooo. The two voices merged in Bubblegum's mind once more and in her own voice she considered Finn. Finn was the last known human left on the planet since his father had gone missing into space. If this man was as callous and selfish as Finn's father had been, the young human could have a difficult time coping. If he was a positive role model, however, could Bubblegum ever forgive herself for denying her champion his birthright? Finn had obviously brought him here because he trusted Bubblegum both in capability and willingness to help him. No, the human would not be eliminated.

But how to go about helping him? This question was not hers to answer, she decided. Bubblegum would be honest and straightforward about his options, and Finn the Human would decide the rest. She ordered the doctors and nurse to perform a test to confirm her theory. In the meantime, she would speak with poor Finn.

Finn stood guard vigilantly, showing little outward sign of the turmoil raging inside him. Was this really another human? Where did he come from? If he got better, would he be a disappointment like his father had been? Finn felt conflicted and emotionally exposed. He needed answers to some of these questions, but right now he had to wait. He hated waiting. It had been over an hour since Bubblegum had thrown him out, but it felt like four.

Finn heard a creak and turned sharply to its source. Princess Bubblegum had emerged from the hospital room. Finn hadn't noticed before, but Bubblegum looked different; like she was dressed up for something special. "Hey, Princess. We… didn't mean to interrupt something important," he said sheepishly.

"I was supposed to be closing the economic summit," Finn's heart sank. "But this was more important." Finn felt relieved. "Listen, Finn, we should sit down somewhere and talk about this. I'm sure you have a lot of questions and there's something important I need to know."

The two silently walked to a bench down the hall and sat. Finn tried to sort through his questions in his mind, but he wasn't having an easy time of it.

"So, is he really human?"

"Yes, so far as we can tell. I think he's trapped in a temporal stasis field."

"Uhh…,"

"It means he's frozen in time. I think he's from before the Mushroom War."

"Whoa." Finn looked to be lost in thought.

Princess Bubblegum took a deep breath before continuing "Finn, he's hurt. We can't tell for sure how badly because of the stasis field. There are two things I can do, but I need you to make an important decision."

Finn looked deathly serious and didn't speak for a long moment. "I'm listening."

"I can break the stasis field, but without knowing the extent of his injuries, there's a possibility that he won't survive long enough for us to help him. We won't be able to restore the stasis field once its broken, so there'd be no going back."

Finn did not like the sound of that.

"The other thing we can do is leave him in stasis until I can figure out a way to get past the interference. There's a catch, though. With our current understanding, it could take months, probably even years."

Finn felt caught between a rock and a hard place. The first decision sounded dangerous, but the second decision had its risks, too. If the human was hurt beyond help and they left him in stasis, they could wait until better technology was developed to treat his injuries, too. But there was no certainty that Finn would even be alive by that point. Finn hadn't encountered any human females in his lifetime, and from what Finn knew from Bubblegum's biology lessons, that meant that humanity would die with him when he did. At least if the human could be revived now, Finn had a chance to gain some closure before the end. A large part of Finn didn't want to take the risk, but he felt an instinct pulling him towards deciding to chance an attempted revival. What had Jake called it years ago? His melon-heart.

It was two weeks later; Finn had made his decision and Bubblegum had made all the preparations. Jake stood by Finn's side looking down on the time-locked figure. The best medical professionals in Ooo were present for what was to come. This meant the clown nurses were not invited, much to Jake's disappointment. Finn insisted on being responsible for breaking the stasis field, just in case anything went wrong, his conscience would take the full burden, though he didn't tell Bubblegum that was the reason why.

Diagnostic equipment stood ready to detect any complications. Everyone was in position. A countdown clock began to tick down from ten. The excitement and nervousness Finn felt at this moment matched any life-threatening situation he'd ever encountered. At the moment the countdown clock hit zero, Finn pressed the activation button.

"Here goes nothing."

**A/N: Sorry everyone, but I got a little lazy on this chapter. With the exposition and character setup out of the way, it's time to get this train rollin'!**


	5. The Awakening

**A/N: As I sat down to write Chapter Four, it dawned on me that I made a pretty serious goof in my narrative. I forgot about Betty! Beginning with this chapter, I'm writing with her accounted for, and over the next couple days or so I'm going to go back and fix things in previous chapters for literary consistency. Sorry about that, everyone!**

Chapter Four: The Awakening

The disembodied consciousness hurtled aimlessly through time and space. It had no control of where it went or what it saw; it was stranded and adrift. It had to admit, it had seen some very interesting things on its involuntary journey; hellish lands of misery and suffering, strange dimensions filled with color and energy, places were the impossible was a reality and places were reality was impossible. Sometimes it would drift through a familiar time or place, and it wished it could stay, but it would be pulled away by the cosmic tides. In all its drifting, it had yet to meet any other entities like it, and it felt an immense loneliness as it drifted on. Living things it passed seemed unable to see it, and they passed by in ignorance of the weary traveler. Time soon held no meaning for the entity, and it knew not how long its journey took it. Despite having few memories of how it had came to be, the consciousness had a very distinct feeling that it was somehow incomplete.

One day, however, something changed. As it drifted along, silently contemplating its immortality and circumstances, a great tear formed in its path. Panicked and afraid, the consciousness tried with all its might to form some manner of independent movement. The cavernous maw pulled all in its path into its great, bright white interior. Pulled inside, it saw the collision of many of the worlds and states of being it had seen, barriers between them breaking down and allowing things to seep between them. At the center of this chaotic maelstrom was a familiar blue, white and green sphere. The consciousness recognized it by only one name. Home. But it was all wrong. White spots flashed all along its surface, turning to massive mushrooms of red fire. The green began to be swallowed by red and orange smears of flame. The white clouds were joined by sickly black smoke. A green flash brighter than the others erupted from the dark side of the planet, rising into a hideous glowing green mushroom cloud. It was not the same green of the life that once painted the planet. Then entity came to rest on the surface at the center of this deathly spectacle. Then it saw _him_.

Even as a newborn he arose decaying and corrupted. His burning green eyes seemed to see what so many beings could not, and it chilled the entity to the core. He appeared to be in an enormous amount of pain, but all it did was make him furious. The smoke billowed around him in such a way that even it seemed to be avoiding the horrible creature. With a deep, inhuman howl he raged to the heavens before slowly and sickly stepping to a pool of molten sludge forming at the center of the blast crater. With an angry bellow, he plunged himself into the boiling brew. The entity suddenly felt pulled away from the scene, and as it receded, it caught a glimpse of the grand finale of this chilling, evil firework show.

Large green cracks began to form in the Earth, emanating outwards from the site where the monstrosity had been born. On the surface, millions of souls cried out in agony as they were twisted and corrupted into shrieking husks. The goo began to flow first from their eyes like tears, then from every major orifice as they took their new, cursed forms. A deep, twisted laugh echoed across the land and a burst of power shattered the cracked earth below. The entity began to be pulled away from the scene faster and faster. With what it had just witnessed, it almost wished it had died, too. The Earth began to break apart, covering a wider and wider area of its surface. Whole oceans boiled, and continents below were swallowed by the rising floods.

It was at that moment that the entity noticed it was being pulled to a very strange being. A golden owl, shimmering and twinkling in the darkness of space began to take up more and more of its field of vision. When it arrived before the magnificent creature at last, the owl spoke.

"It's not the end," it assured the consciousness. "Your rival calls for you." With that, it spread its wings, a magnificent golden light encompassed the entity's vision, and then everything went black.

Captain Warren was immediately aware of three things. First, he was alive. Second, he felt absolutely awful. His head felt like an overripe melon ready to split, he had a god-awful metallic taste in his mouth, and when he tried to open his eyes, it felt like they were going to be burned from his skull by the light. Third, he was lying in a soft bed. The last waking moment he remembered, he was at Raven Rock. The base had taken a direct hit and the lab was getting torn apart. The President was more than likely fatally wounded and everyone else was dying. He had to get to a portal to… The portal!

Warren tried to sit up to get his bearings and immediately regretted doing so. He must have punctured a lung given his shortness of breath and the sharp pains in his chest. Bringing a hand over his eyes to shield them from the light, he slowly began to work them open. He was in a hospital. Judging by the sunlight shining in through the windows it had to be on the surface. His heart jumped. No way a surface hospital would be operational so soon after a direct nuclear attack. If he was in a surface hospital, then he must have succeeded! He needed to find out when and where he was and warn the President immediately!

"Nurse?!" He called hoarsely and somewhat weakly. "Medic?! Doc?!"

"Oh, Glob!" a voice called out from the right of his bedside. Looking over to the source of the sound, he saw a young boy who appeared to be stumbling to his feet out of a chair. Warren tried to get a better look at him. "Don't move and don't talk. You're pretty broken up still!"

"Need… to contact… President!"

"What the huh?"

"Important… need…" The pain in his chest began to swell again from the effort of speaking.

"Peebles! He's awake!"

A new, sweet sounding voice spoke. "Call the nurses back from break. This should keep him stable for the time being." A cold sensation tingled its way through the veins in Warren's arm, and in no time at all, he was out again.

Warren felt much better waking up this time around. The pain in his head had subsided greatly, and he knew better than to attempt to put excess strain on his chest this time. That damn metallic taste was still there, though. Attempting to raise his hands to shield his eyes to get a look around, he found them both strapped to the bed. Smelling the air, he noticed the scent of cake. His stomach grumbled loudly. With all the pain and stress, he hadn't really noticed how hungry he was. He would be sure to ask for something to eat soon, but first… Oh, shit! How long had he been out? Every moment wasted here was one step closer to annihilation. His mind raced with the fear of a paradox. What if he'd managed to succeed in travelling back in time but couldn't get his warning out in time to stop the war? He'd be doomed to an endless cycle of watching everything die from two separate locations at once! Or was that just movies and TV? While he wasn't entirely sure how this sort of thing worked in real life, he was determined to try to complete his mission at all costs.

"Nurse, keep him immobilized." It was the sweet sounding voice from earlier. "Listen, I need you to pay attention. There is a button under your right index finger. I'm going to ask you a series of questions and I need you to press it once for 'yes' and twice for 'no'. Don't try to speak, you're still not ready. Do you understand?"

Warren took in the information, and complied. He felt his way to the button and firmly pressed it once. A tone sounded as he did so.

"Excellent! Are you in pain?" Warren hesitated. He didn't want to risk getting put under again, so he pressed the button twice. Two tones sounded as he pressed the button. An idea jolted through his brain. He could use Morse to communicate his message! He immediately began tapping out a message.

"Hey! Stop messing with that! We need to…" Her voice trailed off into silence as the message continued. "Is that Morse Code?" Warren pushed the button once to indicate yes. "Give me that message again, but slower." She must have moved closer, because Warren caught a hint of her breath. It smelled like bubblegum.

Warren tapped out the time and date of the apocalypse and a request to relay this information to the President at once.

"We'll take care of that right away." Were Warren able to see, he would have been alerted to the extremely troubled look on her face. "Listen, you should really get some rest now. If you need anything, tap the button and the nurse will assist you. I'll be back to check on you later, okay?"

"Wait," he tapped. "Can I get something to eat?"

"Not yet unfortunately. We'll see in a few days."

"Can I get something to get this metal taste out of my mouth?"

"Here. Chew this. Don't swallow it and be sure to spit it out before you go to sleep, okay?" Warren felt a small chunk of something touch his lips. Opening his mouth, she let it fall in and he began to chew. It was bubblegum.


	6. Properly Introduced

Chapter Five: Properly Introduced

Finn anxiously rode to the Candy Kingdom, carried on Jake's back. It had been almost a month now since the human was awakened, but only now was he ready for a real conversation. His left lung had been practically shredded and his right lung was suffering from the effects of smoke and debris inhalation when they broke the stasis field. Bubblegum had gotten some information from him via a tone system and his personal effects. His name was Gary and he was stuck in that bubble since the Mushroom War. Bubblegum had kept him under heavy sedation for most of the time, but lessened his dosages as his condition improved.

According to the Princess, he took some of the initial shocks pretty well, but was having trouble with some others. For instance, he didn't seem to mind much when he finally got his eyes adjusted to the light only to find his vitals being monitored by a large piece of sapient pound cake. On the other hand, he was still under the effects of the sedative. However, in his sleep, he appeared to be undergoing horrible nightmares, as well as mumble a few things in his sleep regarding his nation and its people. Bubblegum decided it would be best to bring him up to speed with Finn present, so she called in on his special occasion phone requesting his immediate presence.

Finn felt excited. This new guy was not only human, but he came from an era where humans were everywhere. He didn't know what he expected to find out or why he was so certain but Finn knew this could give him closure. He just hoped that he could do the same for Gary in return.

They had reached the gates of the Candy Kingdom and the Banana Guards let them in with no difficulty. A few minutes later, they had arrived at their destination. Princess Bubblegum was waiting for them inside.

"Finn, Jake, glad you could make it on such short notice," she said sweetly. "He's well enough to talk now, so I've had him off the sedatives for several hours. He should be fully lucid by now."

Entering the infirmary, they stepped towards the injured human's bed. His eyes were closed, but it was clear he was simply resting, not sleeping.

"Captain Warren?" Princess Bubblegum called.

He opened his eyes immediately and turned them to face the pink princess. He seemed momentarily surprised and his mouth dropped open slightly, but he swiftly shut it and regained his neutral expression. He tapped the button once to indicate his attention.

"You should be well enough to talk now. Give it a try."

"About time, I've felt ready for days," Warren said with a look of intense relief on his face. "Much more efficient than Morse code, that's for sure. Say, ma'am? I think the medication you gave me is making me a little loopy." He squinted at Bubblegum.

"I assure you, it's not, Captain. There are some things we should discuss and some people I'd like you to meet."

"But I could have sworn I hallucinated a nurse made of cake and you're looking a little off color right now."

Bubblegum took a deep breath.

"You're not hallucinating, Captain. You're in the Candy Kingdom infirmary. We'll explain in greater detail in a moment. This is Finn," she said somewhat quickly, not giving Warren time to interject.

"I think I've seen him before… but if I'm not hallucinating, I'm telling you I must be dreaming"

"And this is Jake," Bubblegum said, ignoring Warren's protests for now.

"Sup, man?"

At Jake's greeting, the man's eyes widened in alarm. Jake's smile faded into a worried look.

"Did I say something wrong?"

"Yeah, I'm definitely dreaming now." Warren began to fidget around.

"Wait! Listen!" PB called. She was interrupted by a mild groan from Warren. "Let me start from the beginning."

Warren visibly tensed, but appeared to be listening. Finn felt terribly for the man and about what he was about to go through.

"A little over a thousand years ago, there was a war; the Mushroom War." Finn could see the pain in both Princess Bubblegum's and Warren's eyes as she tried to tenderly explain. "You were trapped in a temporal stasis field. Finn and Jake found you and brought you here. We've been treating your injuries."

The man's expression remained blank.

"I'm sorry,"

Warren seemed to be summoning the mental strength to speak. "So," he choked out. "This is the future, then? Well, for me anyway…" Bubblegum nodded solemnly. "We failed. All those people…" Tears began to well up in the soldier's eyes.

It was all Finn could do not to burst into tears as well when the man broke down into all out sobbing. Bubblegum and Finn took separate sides of the bed and just held the broken man. He wept for a full twenty minutes before regaining some semblance of his composure. With watery eyes, he looked meaningfully into Finn's.

"But you're all here. That means there must have been survivors, right?"

Bubblegum spoke. "Finn is the last confirmed surviving member of the human species," she said gently. "Some humans mutated or otherwise transformed into other species, though."

Warren turned his head to Bubblegum, looking incredibly confused. "What about you?"

"I'm a candy person. We're distantly related to humans, but our biomasses are sugar based."

Warren's nostrils flared as he sharply inhaled. "Wait, that's not perfume or something? You're…"

"Made of bubblegum, yes. Well, for the most part, anyway."

Warren's cheeks flushed tomato red. "But… you gave me a piece of gum to chew…"

It was Bubblegum's turn to blush. "Yes, I did."

"Did you…?" Warren's eyes were bulging.

Bubblegum blushed even more deeply. "Well, my hair is 99.95% pure bubblegum, so it's safe for human consumption."

"You let me chew on you!?" Warren looked horrified.

"Relax. It's like your hair. It doesn't hurt and it's almost totally cosmetic."

It was Finn's turn to be confused, and he was about to ask a few questions as to what was going on but Bubblegum began speaking again before his got the chance.

"Let's not get sidetracked," Bubblegum said, changing the subject. "This is a brand new world for you, and there's going to be a lot for you to learn and adjust to going forward. I think Finn and Jake would be the perfect guides during this experience. I really need to be going now; I have other duties to perform. I'll do everything I can to help you adjust, though."

"Thank you, miss…"

"Princess Bonnibel Bubblegum," she said, smiling, then turning and leaving the room.

"So, Finn, was it? What's the world like these days?"

They spent hours talking. Finn telling Warren all about the land of Ooo and the things that lived there, and tales of the many adventures the young boy and his canine companion had. They paused where necessary to allow Warren to ask questions, or for Jake to contribute as well.

"You're a tough young man," said Warren admiringly. "I suppose you'd have to be to make it out there. Not sure about me yet. Tell me, son, do you really think there's a place out there for an old relic like me?"

"Sure I do! You seem like a pretty decent guy, and you've survived a lot. Maybe we could team up when you're feeling better! Go on adventures and stuff," Finn suggested hopefully.

Warren cracked a small smile. "Maybe so."

"I… I know it's kinda early for you, but is there anything you can tell me about you and your time?"

Warren's face twitched. "I'm getting pretty tired, but I'll tell you what; you come see me tomorrow and I'll have a few old world memories ready for you, okay?" He smiled at the last part.

Finn knew that he had gone too far for today. Silently nodding to the agreement, he wished Warren a pleasant rest and he and Jake began to leave. Before he reached the exit, Finn took one final look back at the man. He was looking out the window at the sunset with wet eyes and a stony expression. Finn silently wondered what his thoughts must have been. Respectfully, he turned once more and left the room, shutting the door behind him.

**A/N: Well, short chapter because this chapter and chapter four are kind of companion chapters; if I merged them, I'd get one really long chapter, but if I split, they both come up short. I decided on the latter. I haven't**** gotten any opinions on the romance thing, so I'll be continuing the story with plan A.**


	7. Ancients

Chapter Six: Ancients

As a hero of the Candy Kingdom the Gumball Guardians let him pass, and as he was flying the Banana Guards never even noticed his presence. On a visit to see his former master Finn, he had learned of the arrival of another living ancient in Ooo. From what Finn had told him, the man was apparently struggling with a very familiar situation. The Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant felt his call to action. Today, he would be the candle and the match once again for another despairing ancient soul.

Reaching the hospital, he levitated himself outside the window of his latest prospective patient. Since his existential life crisis following Maja and Darren's assault on the Candy Kingdom, the Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant had found new purpose in life as a therapist. His ability to link into his patients' minds (with their consent of course) combined with his natural good nature and newfound wisdom made him exceptionally adept at his new calling. Maja herself had been his first patient. He cared for her as she was caught in her coma, and though initially bitter and resistant to the elephant's kindness, eventually developed a close bond with him. Though she still retained her power-hungry urges and somewhat sadistic general demeanor towards others, she now actively admitted the wrong in those feelings and showed a remarkable amount of restraint in acting upon them. Her transformation spread the word throughout Ooo, and soon others began seeking the War Elephant's friendship and counsel. Every now and again, when people were threatened, he would also use his skills as a war machine for the protection of others against evil, though he preferred the quiet life and never sought a battle like Finn or Jake would.

Extending his trunk to the window, the Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant reached out to the man asleep on the other side.

"_Captain! Captain, can you hear me?_"

Captain Warren awoke with a start and began frantically cranking his head back and forth, searching for the source of the voice.

"_Be calm. I am a friend._"

"Who's there?"

"_I am outside the window. Do not be afraid. I will explain everything._"

The Captain struggled, but managed to turn around to face the window. His jaw dropped and his eyes bulged in a look of surprise before he remembered himself and regained some sense of a neutral expression.

"_I am the Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant. I am projecting these thoughts into your mind. Do not fear, this is as far into your mind as I shall go without your consent._"

"You can see into my mind!?"

"_Yes. As I have stated, however, I shall not disrespect your privacy by doing so without your permission._"

Warren was clearly struggling to accept the concept, but managed to work another question out.

"Why are you here? What do you want with me?"

"_I have been told of your arrival in this land. I believe that we share a similar past. I have come, as one old warrior to another, to help you cope with yours."_

"I think I can cope just fine on my own, thanks." Warren scowled at the elephant as he said this.

"_Then simply hear what I have to say, and I shall be gone. I was once one of many, a proud race bred to be commanded in war for the protection of our civilization. I am now all that is left, the last of my kind."_

Warren's face softened.

"I'm sorry."

"_When I came to this land, I was bound to the service of a new master, but he did not understand my ancient ways. I began to despair that my ancient ways had no place in this new world. My master saw into my mind and told me of my potential to thrive in this new world as my own elephant. At the time I did not believe him. I set out on a journey with no goal, no orders to guide me, no purpose. I looked onto nature and gazed into the setting sun. It convinced me to begin again, to take control of my destiny._"

"How did that work out?" Warren asked with a hint of sarcasm.

"_I dedicated myself to the service of others as I had always done, but in a new way. I found new use for my knowledge and talents. It has not only given me purpose again, but made me truly happy as well._"

"Yeah, okay. Listen, I appreciate the concern, but I'm fine." Warren insisted.

"_Very well, I shall leave you be, then._"

The Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant turned around and jetted off at a rapid pace. He knew his objective for today had been successful. All he had to do now was wait.

* * *

Warren sat in silence, pondering the elephant's words. He was right; he did know exactly how Warren felt and what he had to deal with. It wasn't that the officer didn't want to talk about what was troubling him, it was more that he felt he couldn't.

From the sound of things, Finn had seen his share of hardship to be sure, but Warren saw the same look in his eyes as he did with many of his soldiers so long ago. That youthful fire still burned at the core of a surface hardened by adversity and pain. He couldn't bring himself to burden the young man with such the horrors he'd seen. He couldn't bear to imagine the boy's heartbreak if he told him the whole truth about what humanity had been reduced to by the time the bombs fell.

Something about the gummy princess put him on edge. Maybe many somethings, come to think of it. She looked not a day older than nineteen human years old, but her demeanor, her posture, the look in her eyes, it was all wrong. She seemed more a queen or matron than a princess, and Warren couldn't help but wonder if something more hid behind that fairy tale exterior. Warren also felt a tug deep in the back of his mind whenever he thought of her. There was something instinctive there that his waking mind didn't want to acknowledge. Was it because she was made of gum? Was this some sort of predatory instinct for food conflicting with his respect for her as a sapient being?

Aggressively pushing the thought aside, he focused his attention on the elephant. It had said it used to be a war machine. And the things it said gave Warren no reason to doubt it had seen combat. If it was a relatable and similar figure, why couldn't Warren bring himself to talk to it, either? Deep down he had a feeling he already knew the answer. For all his bravado and military discipline, Warren was afraid to face what was troubling him. He didn't want to relive the carnage of World War III. He didn't want to watch all those people in the bunker die again and again in his mind. He didn't want to see the burned flag in his dreams. He didn't want to accept that his people were gone, not enough left to avoid extinction even with the most drastic of measures. That kind young man would be the last human.

With a sigh, he closed his eyes. It was funny. He was only in his thirties but the war had made him feel ancient. And with its finale, now he actually was.

* * *

Princess Bubblegum sat in one of many of her hidden offices in the Candy Castle. In front of her was CCTV surveillance of the entire kingdom. Advanced computer software automatically sorted out areas by citizen, threat status, likelihood of appropriate response, etc. and displayed the sixteen most important cameras at any given moment on the center monitor. It was wrong tonight, though. It was wrong because while it showed the muggings, the anti-government dissidents, and even tracked a Lemon spy probing the kingdom's defenses, it didn't show that human in the infirmary.

Dialing up the camera manually, Bubblegum stared intently at the figure in the bed. His medical progress had been astounding, but that meant he would be up soon. He was still an unknown quantity at present, as much a potential invaluable ally for the Candy Kingdom as he was a potential threat. Too many uncertainties remained regarding his mindset, his motives, and his ethics. She would need to rectify that. Even with the information, however, she still had yet to devise plans to deal with whatever arose.

And here she was again, she thought. Always going on with plans, putting the welfare of the kingdom above all else. Only now did she feel a twinge of guilt at the thought of what she would do if he turned out to be an enemy. Where was that compassion she'd felt so much more of in her youth? Being a realist may have put her kingdom on top, but it certainly wasn't good for the soul. Sighing and slumping forward on the desk in front of her, she contemplated allowing herself to age.

Candy people were capable of biological immortality, but could allow themselves to age and die should they so choose. And the vast majority did. Add to that the fact that they could still be killed, eaten, or mutated beyond recognition and Peppermint Butler was second only to Princess Bubblegum herself in terms of age. But she couldn't allow herself to go just yet. Her last attempt at creating an heir hadn't gone very well, to say the least. Indeed, Goliad and Stormo's eternal battle had occupied one of the sixteen screens continuously for years.

With a sigh, she shut off the monitors and headed for her chambers to get some sleep. In the back of her mind, she heard Lemongrab's shrieks echoing.

"Too Old, indeed."


	8. Moments

Chapter Seven: Moments

Finn and Jake maintained a respectful silence as Captain Warren draped the flags over the caskets. Another month had passed since Warren's awakening, and much had transpired.

When he could walk again, Finn and Jake had taken him on tours of the Candy Kingdom. Princess Bubblegum met with him daily for acclimatization. Finn attended once; it reminded him of school, enough to keep him away from future sessions. Finn was grateful for his education but nothing beat adventuring, after all, and any time he could be fighting evil and getting loot beat sitting in a chair and reading. There was one subject he was getting into these days more and more, but that was perhaps due to the style of his new teacher. Captain Warren was a veritable encyclopedia of Old World knowledge, but the way he told it, it was like an epic story. Little bit of history here, little bit there, all told on the side while they did something interesting.

This occasion, however, was a more somber lesson. Warren had requested to re-visit Raven Rock to gather some things and pay his respects to his comrades. Finn, Jake, and Warren had spent all day since morning gathering the bones of the deceased and putting them in gray metal pods in a large warehouse-like area. Warren explained that he was creating a tomb for his lost brethren, and that while he could not give them a proper ceremony, he would give them what honors he could. Although this funeral was for people long dead and whom Finn never knew, he was deeply touched by the proceedings thus far, ranking among one of the saddest things he'd ever seen.

Warren finished draping the final flag over the final casket: It was placed in the center of the room and higher than those surrounding it. It was empty.

"What's the empty one for?" Finn asked.

"This one represents all those who could not be recovered. A soldier's memory was eternal in our culture. We were family, no member left behind or forgotten if we could help it." He stepped to the door, and turned to face the room. "As the last American soldier, I name this place the Tomb of the Patriots. May it represent the memory not only of my brothers and sisters in arms, but of all Americans." He bowed his head and in a shaky voice began to sing.

"_Day is done, gone the sun._

_From the lakes, from the hills, from the sky._

_All is well, safely rest._

_God is nigh._

_Fading light dims the sight_  
_And a star gems the sky, gleaming bright_  
_From afar, drawing near_  
_Falls the night._

_Thanks and praise for our days_  
_Neath the sun, neath the stars, neath the sky_  
_As we go, this we know_

_God is nigh._"

A few shaky breaths later, he turned to Finn and Jake with wet eyes.

"Let's seal it up."

* * *

It soon became apparent to the trio that multiple visits would be necessary to pick through the base for everything the captain had in mind. They set off into the night for the Tree House. They would return tomorrow. In the meantime, the captain had managed to scrounge up a few changes of clothes and some equipment Finn didn't recognize.

"What's that thing?" Finn asked, pointing to a nondescript black box with a meter on it.

"It's a Geiger counter. Goes tick when there's stuff."

"What kind of stuff?" Finn asked, puzzled by the bizarre answer.

"Radiation." Warren smiled to himself and chuckled softly.

"Uhh, did I miss something funny?" Finn asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Nah. Just a reference to a television show I used to watch from a long time ago."

"Oh."

An awkward silence continued for the next several minutes. Finn didn't know if he should bring it up, but he'd been wondering about the song Warren had sung at the tomb. It had been so sad, but so beautiful at the same time.

"Hey, Cap?"

"Yeah?"

"That song… was there something special about it? I've never heard anything like it before."

"It's called Taps. I suspect I'm now full of ancient songs that nobody's ever heard. It is special, in a sense. It's an old American song to bid goodnight. Death and sleep have long been considered similar by several cultures worldwide. To the living, it offers assurance of protection and a reminder of the dead. To the dead, it offers an assurance of remembrance and of a restful afterlife, if you believe in such a thing."

"Were the Americans a spiritual people?"

"Yes and no. Various elements of "American culture" had a spiritual basis, but we were quite diverse. Our core beliefs that held us together as a nation were that people have a set of natural rights, rule of law, and representative government. Beyond that, there were all kinds of religions, subcultures, traditions, etc. In this particular case, the military tended to keep some of the older practices alive through our value of tradition."

Finn was thoroughly confused, and decided to forgo opening this can of worms even further and stay relatively on topic. "Did you have a lot of songs like that?"

"Indeed we did. Why do you ask?" Warren turned his head to the boy as he walked.

"Well, I didn't grow up around any other humans. I've seen ruins and stuff that got left behind, but I never really thought about what they were like because it made me get all sad and soul-searchy."

"So you want to know what humans were all about, huh? Is it because you don't really understand your humanity as well as you'd like?"

"Yeah. I mean, I guess so…" Finn scrunched his face in thought.

"Let me let you in on a little secret, son."

Finn felt his insides lurch at that statement. He didn't know what the ancient human would say, but he hoped it would give him some degree of closure to the questions he'd pondered all his life.

"Neither did we."

Another awkward silence followed for a long while until Finn re-routed the subject.

"I should introduce you to my friend Marceline. I think you'd like her…"

* * *

"Full House!" Jake the Dog exclaimed, triumphantly throwing down a pair of Queens.

"So much for the bluff," Finn threw down a Four and a Jack.

"Heh heh heh!" Jake stretched his arm around the pot.

"Not so fast." Warren said smoothly. "Four of a kind."

The trio was playing Texas Hold 'Em. BMO was watching intently, having been cleaned out by Jake four hands into the game. The cards on the table were a Seven, a pair of Twos, a Queen, and a King. Warren slid a pair of Twos onto the table for Finn and Jake to see, a smug smile forming in place of the expressionless poker face it had held the entire hand.

"Arrgh! You're cheating!" Jake accused.

"Jake, you shuffled and dealt the cards," Finn pointed out.

Jake grumbled to himself and narrowed his eyes at Warren. If looks could kill, the whole room might be dead by now. Warren chuckled softly, gathered the deck, and began shuffling.

"Now now, there's nothing wrong with a little healthy competition between friends, keeps you sharp. Wouldn't be much of a competition if I went easy on you, now would it?"

Jake remained silent. BMO eyed him, gauging his mood. Finn knew the little machine was wary of his competitive temper. He looked over his new friend as he shuffled. He was a difficult man to read, and Finn couldn't quite put his finger on why.

"There's more to bluffing than just putting on a good face. You've got to know your opponent and keep your opponent from knowing you. Or your strategies, at least, but a good strategy is still nothing without good tactics to back it up. That's built through experience, mostly." Warren began to deal the cards. "That's true for everything, you see. It's why poker is such a good game. It's universal. You can learn a lot about people by noting how they play."

"Like what?" Finn asked, curious.

"Well, for example, Jake here is straightforward and aggressive in pursuing an objective. He doesn't like to back down, so he almost never does, even when it's to his strategic advantage. He's generally honest, not very secretive or manipulative. He's proud, but not overly so. Hard to tell for sure at this stage of the game, but he seems to be tempted by greed."

Finn couldn't fault the man's assessment.

"You can tell all that by watching him play cards?"

"It's never 100% accurate, but yes. It's the patterns in his decisions, his body language, in subtle cues from instincts that most humans have forgotten they have."

Finn, Jake, and BMO simply stared at Warren, somewhat slack-jawed.

"Or, maybe I've got it all wrong." He shrugged.

"It's getting late. When are you going to take those things off?" Jake asked in regards to the dark aviator sunglasses Warren was wearing.

"When I'm done cleaning you guys out." He replied sarcastically.

* * *

"Say, Finn, I'm curious. Young gentleman your age, you got your eye on a lady?"

Warren's question was abrupt and came out of nowhere as he, Finn, and Jake were returning from another intervention at the Ice King's castle.

"Uh, well… not really… I mean…"

Warren raised an eyebrow and Jake smiled, interested in where the conversation was going.

"Guy, then? Don't know how it is nowadays, but I don't have a problem if you roll that way."

"NO! It's just… complicated and stuff."

Finn's face was blushing bright red. Jake snickered silently at his little brother's innocence, even at his age.

"Ah, I see how it is. Never took you for a shy one. Come on, who is she?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"You know, he's right, dude. You're 18 now. You're not a kid anymore." Jake interjected.

"I just haven't been really in the dating game lately. I had… a bad experience."

Finn was trying very hard not to remember that night. He had tried to seal it away in the Vault, but for some reason the memory of that night had always broken out to haunt him in his nightmares; the night he made a big mistake. Ever since that night, he had felt impure, wanting but somehow undeserving of the likes of his longtime crush Bubblegum, his ex Flame Princess, or his good friend Marceline.

"You didn't tell me anything!" Jake protested.

"Look, can we just drop it? Forget I said that, okay?"

Warren looked concerned, but threw his hands up in front of him.

"I didn't mean to upset you. Consider it dropped."

"Well you're not stopping me so easily. You haven't heard the last of-" Jake was interrupted by Finn's emergency phone ringing.

Thankful for the distraction, but concerned as to the content of the call, Finn picked up.

"Finn, it's me," Princess Bubblegum began. "I need you and Jake in the Candy Kingdom right now. We've got a serious problem."


	9. Incursion

Chapter Eight: Incursion

Princess Bubblegum was hard at work in her lab studying the equipment Finn and Jake had retrieved from Raven Rock. The bulk of what they had salvaged was useless, mundane tech that the princess had already replicated, was too damaged or corrupted, or was simply irrelevant to her goals. Some items showed promise, however. A serviceable biometrics reader could potentially solve some of her security problems, for instance. Biometric locks could allow authorized personnel access into various areas of the castle without having to rely on the Banana Guards, who were notorious for their incompetence, often allowing unauthorized entry to intruders and denying entry to people who actually belonged there. The recovered data drives were damaged and corrupt to varying degrees, but she had that project running in the background.

A tone sounded, marking an incoming call. The Princess rose and headed for the communications terminal, annoyed at the interruption. Although very few people were authorized to contact her directly in her lab, and were specifically asked only to do so in emergencies, people seemed to have different ideas of what constituted an emergency than Bubblegum did. A look at the caller ID solidified these feelings. She patched the caller through to video.

"Nnnnngh!" He began without waiting for a greeting from Bubblegum. "How dare you violate our lemon space! This is UNACCEPTABLE!"

Bubblegum cringed internally from the unnatural shrieks of her disturbed artificial progeny.

"Lemongrab, calm down and start from the beginning, please. What exactly is going on?" she replied exasperatedly.

"MMMMMMMPPPPPHHHH, THE INTRUDERS!" Lemongrab screamed, the bumps on his face protruding and deforming in an enraged grimace.

"What intruders? I don't have any idea what you're talking about!"

"Fetch me the EVIDENCE!" Lemongrab shrieked to the air. Not a second later a lemon person dressed in a military-style uniform snapped in place beside the earl and extended a dossier.

"The evidence, Your Excellency!"

Lemongrab forcefully snatched the dossier, knocking the hapless lemon person over in the process, and began pulling out various low quality photographs and thrusting them into the camera.

"Trespassers!" he cried, thrusting forth a picture of an ordinary bird. "Spies!" he shrieked, a picture of what appeared to be a gruff looking lemon person in hand. "Things!" he exclaimed, this time showing a waving snail.

"Lemongrab, none of those things are from the Candy Kingdom," Bubblegum said, more than a little annoyed now.

"They all come from your borders! Unexpected visitors are forbidden! This is UNACCEPTABLE!"

"You can't seriously expect us to keep animals off your land, Lemongrab. It's not possible! And I've made it quite clear that we have not harbored lemon insurgents. If you've got rebels on your land, they've been there from the beginning! I assure you the Candy Kingdom is doing everything in its power to secure its borders and-"

"Then explain this!" Lemongrab demanded, holding up a final photo.

This time, Bubblegum was interested. The photo contained a large group of distorted humanoid forms standing in a puddle of some sort. Ooze dripped from the eyes and mouths of those whose faces faced the camera. And right in the middle was a fused collection of vanilla wafers, numerous ruined Candy Kingdom Medals of Bravery hanging off its form.

"Whoa, time out! Those were spotted on the Candy Kingdom/Lemon Earldom border!?" Bubblegum couldn't believe what she was seeing. She thought this problem had been dealt with.

"So you admit it! You-"

"LEMONGRAB!" Bubblegum interrupted. "Those creatures are dangerous! That's not James any more, they turned him into one of them! You need to put your military forces on full alert! How recently was this picture taken?"

"Less than an hour ago!" Lemongrab replied, incredulously.

"Have your people keep an eye on their movements. I'm sending reinforcements to assist."

"Unauthorized entry into Lemon territory is forbid-"

"Lemongrab, please! Hört mir zu! Mein Glob, das is schlecht!"

Much to Bubblegum's surprise, Lemongrab ceased his ranting and stared intently at her, as though judging the truth of her words. Much to her further surprise, he complied, turning violently and knocking the lemon officer back down as he shrieked for full alert and to allow Candy Kingdom forces access to the Earldom. When he was finished, he turned to the camera and squinted darkly.

"You owe me…" he hissed. With that, the screen went dark.

Bubblegum couldn't allow herself to be bothered by his somewhat out of character actions at the moment. She had preparations of her own to be made.

* * *

Warren, Finn, Jake, BMO, and Banana Man stood before their accomplishment. Warren was to finally get a place of his own, but the amount of salvage he wanted to set up from Raven Rock combined with his lack of any sort of independent transportation outside walking meant he could do well with a vehicle. The problem was that while the restoration of pre-war motor vehicles now becoming increasingly common in Ooo, the road networks and other vital infrastructure had yet to see much development. Consequently, most vehicles were confined to their kingdoms and immediate surrounding area, and there was no real vehicle trade to speak of. Thus, the beast before them was conceived.

An old National Guard HMMWV in relatively decent shape from the R7 garage served as the primary basis for the vehicle. Relatively lightweight and compact compared to the newer designs, its new duties would not require the heavy armor and bulk of the newer designs. Its engine was deteriorated beyond repair, but Banana Man had outdone himself in its replacement. A compact nuclear-powered engine salvaged from an APC not only gave the vehicle enough fuel for a thousand years, but also gave it insane amounts of power, more than it could structurally use for its operation alone. Capitalizing on this excess in power, Warren outfitted a climate control system for comfort and a monstrous weapon system for its defense. A heavy laser cannon with 360 degree turret rotation was installed for the roof. On the hood, a smaller, driver operated emitter could engage less powerful threats to the vehicle's front and sides. Re-painted with USAF markings and fresh camouflage, it was a perfect signature transport for the blast from the past soldier.

"It's beautiful!" Warren exclaimed.

"I think Hot Daniel was cooler." BMO said flatly with its arms crossed, earning the little robot a light elbowing from Jake and a stern look from Finn. Warren didn't care. It was time to take a test drive and profusely thank his friends.

"Hey, Banana Man, want the honors?"

Ten minutes later and everyone was having a blast. Banana Man drove fast and wild across the land, Warren stood in the turret. Finn rode shotgun, his right hand gripping the door and the roof for stability. BMO had strapped itself down on the roof. Jake sat normally in one of the back seats, but had his head stretched out the window and his tongue lolling out of his mouth.

"Hey, Jake, what are you doing?" Finn asked.

"I dunno, man, it just feels natural."

Warren chuckled to himself from up in the turret. Even when dogs could walk, talk, and stretch, some things just didn't change. Suddenly, he heard a ringing tone.

"Where's that coming from?" he asked.

Finn replied, producing a pink mobile phone from his backpack. "It's Princess Bubblegum's emergency phone! Hang on a sec. Hey, Princess! Yeah… Uh-huh… We're on our way! It's gonna take about 20 minutes!" Finn hung up. "I've gotta get to the Candy Kingdom right now! Those goo monsters are attacking again!"

"I'm coming too!" Jake's reply was immediate.

"Me, too!" said Banana Man. Not surprising, since his girlfriend was a Banana Guard.

"What kind of threat are these things?" Warren piped.

"They're really dangerous. They almost killed us every time we've fought. I wouldn't blame you if you didn't want to come," said Finn, gravely.

"Count me in! Time to test this baby out!" he exclaimed, patting the laser cannon. "How about you?" he inquired looking around the gun to where BMO was strapped in.

"Let's do it!"

And so, without further ado, the team set off for the Candy Kingdom.

* * *

Princess Bubblegum rode atop her swan. Several Banana Guards flanked her in candy helicopters. Rattleballs had been dispatched and was performing recon in the thicker areas of the Cotton Candy forest, where the air units could not easily see. Castle Lemongrab reported no further contact with the hostiles, but had several squads of lemon troops out looking for them. Finn and Jake were inbound, and the princess scanned the horizons for them as well. General Candy Corn was left in charge of the Kingdom's defenses in case the creatures slipped past the search parties. Bubblegum worried that this was all too likely based on her forces.

As if on cue, General Candy Corn's voice rang through the communicator.

"Princess, we've spotted them. About two dozen and a big fella. South approach"

The Lemons' photo had only shown about ten plus James. Estimates of enemy strength could get a little difficult.

"Thank you, General. I'm recalling all forces now." She gave the order and waited for the choppers to put some distance between her and them before making her next contact. "Princess Bubblegum to Rattleballs, priority target spotted outside Candy Kingdom defensive perimeter South. Find and terminate before he gets close."

"Yes, Princess."

Bubblegum raced towards the Candy Kingdom. If Finn and Jake didn't arrive in time, things could get nasty very quickly. It wasn't long before she got a visual on the enemy group. They were milling about as though searching for something, and the James abomination was nowhere to be seen. _"Rattleballs must be keeping them busy"_ she thought. A flock of birds shot out of the trees behind the creatures, and Princess Bubblegum became aware of a low mechanical growl What was that?

A truck shot out of the trees at alarming speed, catching air over a bump in the ground. Bubblegum could hardly believe her eyes. She had seen vehicles very much like them before, but never in such good condition. That was a US Humvee, and there was only one person in Ooo to whom it could possibly belong. A bright blue beam of light shot out from a turret atop the vehicle, sweeping the ground and cleaving four of the gooey abominations cleanly in two. Suddenly, Finn's voice came through the communicator.

"Princess, we're here. Meet us on the ground once we get to the Kingdom. It's Rattleballs. He's hurt."

* * *

Banana Man brought the truck to a halt not far inside the gates. He and Finn dismounted the vehicle through the doors, Jake stretched out the window, and Warren lifted himself out the top of the turret onto the roof. BMO remained with the vehicle. Princess Bubblegum landed not far away.

"Where is he?" she inquired, quickly striding towards them.

Warren hopped down from the roof and quickly strode to the rear, opening the hatchback. Inside, Rattleballs was unconscious. His sword arm ended halfway down in a melted metal stump. His glass gumball reservoir had a hole shattered out of it and several gumballs had fallen out into the bed.

"It's okay, I can fix this up later. Finn and Jake, take him up to my lab. Keep him out of sight, and come back as soon as possible." Princess Bubblegum instructed. The two moved out to do as they were told.

"We ran right into them." Warren explained as the two moved off. "We found this big dude. I blasted him with the laser cannon, but Finn found that guy on the ground not far away. There was this radioactive green stuff leaking out all over the place. My Geiger counter was going nuts."

Princess Bubblegum was looking over the Humvee and seeming preoccupied. Eventually she turned her gaze back to Warren himself and looked over his appearance. He was wearing fatigues and armor salvaged from Raven Rock, as well as a tactical vest containing much of the equipment he had salvaged over the past several weeks, including a weapon. Bubblegum's eyes froze for a moment on his sidearm, and the wheels seemed to be turning in her head. After a moment, she spoke.

"I've got some questions for you, but they'll have to wait. Can you help us secure the Kingdom?"

Warren nodded, and turned to face the gate. "Counted 22 hostiles, but there could be more. What've we got for defense?" He hadn't seen much of the Candy Kingdom's military, but if the Banana Guards and Rattleballs were anything to go by, it didn't have much in the way of ranged weaponry.

"Talk to General Candy Corn," she said, motioning to his position. "I've got to go back up and see what those things are up to." Re-mounting her swan, Bubblegum took flight and disappeared behind the wall.

Warren swiftly found the general. He snapped to attention, rendered a perfect salute, and announced his presence. "Captain Gary Warren, United States Air Force, how may I be of assistance, General?" The mustached candy corn man turned to face him, surprised.

"You remind me of one of them Rattleball boys. Still wonder what happened to them Rattleball boys…"

Remembering himself, the General noticed Warren still saluting, and gave a short imitation in return. Warren dropped his and awaited instructions.

"Listen up and follow me," said Candy Corn. "This battle's about to get started. And it's not gonna be pretty."


	10. Pink Swan Down

Chapter Nine: Pink Swan Down

Princess Bubblegum made careful note of the enemy's movements. The battle plan was set. Artillery would bombard the enemy on approach. The Humvee was repositioned behind sugar bag fortifications at the front gate. Banana Man remained behind the wheel and operated the defensive laser while Warren manned the cannon. It turned out BMO had exceptional vision and was made a spotter. Finn and Jake were on foot behind the fortification in preparation for close-combat. The Gumball Guardians flanked the position behind the walls. Bubblegum and a candy helicopter flight were to conduct flyby passes and take potshots from the air once the enemy got too close for the artillery.

For now, the Goo Monsters were holding position just outside artillery range at the edge of the forest. Something about them deeply disturbed the candy princess. In all previous encounters, they had been mostly mindless and extremely hostile. This waiting game was unlike them. Steadying her swan, she pulled a telescope from her bag and peered through it. Something seemed off about them, but she needed a closer look. Calling her helicopter escorts to follow, she took them closer.

As she rode, she thought to herself about her human situation. Various elements of what she saw concerned her greatly. First and foremost on her mind were the Captain's weapons. Bubblegum had recovered many guns over the years, and was well aware of their destructive potential. It was precisely for this reason that the Candy Cane Shotgun was the only firearm whose use she permitted in her Kingdom. Intentionally underpowered and issued to Banana Guards only in extreme emergencies, Bubblegum kept tight control of her very limited arsenal of them. Even then, she was aware of a small handful making their way into the hands of criminals and private citizens. The rest of Ooo had to rely on outdated civilian weaponry for which working ammunition was nearly impossible to find or manufacture or whose state had run down greatly over the eons. But Warren was carrying no double-barreled shotgun. The sidearm she spotted on his person was a Gauss pistol. Between it and the laser weapons mounted on his vehicle, it wouldn't be long before his tech drew the attention of the other kingdoms, bandits, or any number of potential threats. Regardless of his own attitudes on securing his arsenal, it was a factor Bubblegum did not control, and thus was a threat.

Which led her to item of concern number two; Warren's Humvee was sporting US markings, and they were fresh. Bubblegum knew all too much about the United States and its ideology: representative government, excessive personal liberties, individualistic focus. It was unsustainable. A monarchy offered stability and the wisdom of years of governance. A "democracy" would foster mob rule, the whims of the masses undoing the long-term work that needed to be done for progress and a brighter future. In short, those ideals threatened PB's work, and the last thing she needed was them being spread. Warren was obviously a fervent believer in these principles, and was in a dangerous position. Sharing a species with Finn the Human gave him a considerable amount of influence on the young man's still impressionable mind. Finn was Bubblegum's champion, a hero and testament to all that the Candy Kingdom stood for. Though his youthful idealism was admirable in many respects, Bubblegum had been around long enough to know the cold truth: realism and practicality are what avert suffering and promote good, and sometimes "principles" had to be sacrificed for the common good. She spent years trying to help Finn understand this. Though he was her closest friend, he was also her greatest asset, and she could not afford to lose him to the very system that burned away his kind and whose mess Bubblegum had spent the past 800 years working to repair.

Her present course of action was obvious. Warren would have to be swayed to her way of thinking. The possible benefits were too numerous to ignore. But how? She would think of something. What if he proves impossible to persuade? Bubblegum hesitated. The responsibilities of rule were not always easy, she reminded herself, and the greater good must always take priority. Still, her heart grew heavy at this resolution, and it was almost a welcome distraction when she was finally close enough to pick up details on the enemy.

Almost. Looking through the telescope, some of the Goo Monsters were shaped like deformed lemons, and wearing the rapidly deteriorating remains of Lemon Earldom uniforms. Their orifices didn't seem to be as hideously distorted and were leaking much smaller amounts of green goo, but their conversion was unmistakable. Just like the original James. Speaking of whom, a large figure emerged from the trees. It was the James abomination, but it looked far more like its cousins now, mushy and deformed. He must have either deteriorated over time or been further turned by the other creatures. Before she had time to properly process this, however, something new happened.

One of the Goo Monsters let out a terrifying howl. Leaning forward, it seemed to take a deep breath before spitting a concentrated jet of radioactive goo at one of the candy helicopters. Its range was incredible, as was its accuracy. The toxic fluid drenched the tail of the craft, and it wasn't even a matter of seconds before it began to smoke, bubble, and hiss. Bubblegum had only ever seen them vomit the vile substance over a short range.

"GET BACK!" she ordered the other helicopter, rearing her swan to put more distance between her and the enemy. It was a matter of seconds before the goop had dissolved its way through the first helicopter's tail, sending it out of control and plummeting to the ground. The Banana Guard pilot of the second helicopter didn't need further orders to retreat. Whirling the craft around hard, it futilely attempted to gain speed and get out of range. A second jet of spit from the abomination struck its engine block.

Firing lasers from her swan's mouth, Bubblegum likewise attempted to leave range. One of the other creatures took the same position as its spitting comrade. Time seemed to slow down as Bubblegum fired a laser at it as it launched its deadly spit towards her. The beam hit the abomination, bursting it into flames, but the swan made a terrible, pained noise at the same time. Bubblegum lost control as it put its last energy into carrying her as far away as possible before falling lifelessly from the sky.

* * *

BMO described the scene that was unfolding to Warren. This mission was going sideways before it even truly began. Six banana people and Bubblegum herself were going down over there, and Warren faced a nasty tactical decision. He couldn't stay idle.

"Smash on it, get us over there! We can't just leave them to die!"

Banana Man seemed to hesitate for a moment before complying. Firing a laser through the sugar bag barrier, he broke through the weakened structure and raced out to meet the enemy. Warren was shaken by this turn of events. They had driven closer to those creatures than those helicopters had flown to them. They all could have died before this battle began. He felt exposed and cautious.

"Keep your distance from those creatures! We'll give them some covering fire but they'll have to make it to us for pickup, got it?"

Banana Man said nothing but nodded in agreement. BMO called out the positions of the swan and the two downed choppers. Warren decided to retrieve the princess first. Finn and Jake were following using Jake's stretch abilities.

"Captain Warren to General Candy Corn! The princess is down! Requesting artillery support, over! He shouted into the bulky radio the General had provided him.

"You're too close!" he replied, "We can't risk hitting you or the princess!"

"Acknowledged! We'll try to make do, out!"

Warren was sweating now. His heart pounded in his chest. It reminded him of those bombing runs in the Middle East in World War III, SAM and AAA fire everywhere. He remembered what happened back then, and he tried hard to avoid it now.

Their vehicle arrived at Princess Bubblegum's swan. It was dead, a sizzling hole in its chest above its heart. The Goo Monsters looked to be out of range, but were clearly advancing quickly.

"Princess!" Warren shouted.

"Princess! PB!" came Finn's shouts from behind them.

To Warren's immense relief, she replied.

"I'm here!" she called, standing momentarily from behind the swan's body. "I need a few more seconds!" She squatted down and disappeared behind it once more.

Priming the laser cannon, Warren looked to the horizon. Two Banana Guards were running towards them from the direction of the downed choppers. This was going to be tight.

Several seconds passed and everyone seemed to converge in slow motion. A Goo Monster was gaining on the Banana Guards and entering range, but it was too risky a shot. Adrenaline pumped through Warren's body as the situation deteriorated.

"We're running out of time!" Warren shouted. Princess Bubblegum did not respond.

Generating a good angle of attack on the Goo creature, Warren fired the turret. A blue beam shot through its center of mass and sent it tumbling to the ground. Its comrades weren't too far behind, though. It was only a matter of seconds before he fired another beam into one of the creatures' heads, exploding it like an overripe melon. Still they kept coming. A sweep this time, it took the legs off a small group of them. It was no use. There were too many too spread out. This position was indefensible.

"We have to go, NOW!"

"I've got it!" Bubblegum called, leaping over the swan's body holding a strange looking device. It looked almost like a nerf gun.

Stretching to her, PB jumped on Jake's back and they headed back for the Candy Kingdom.

The two surviving Banana Guards were within earshot now. They were screaming for help. Warren and Banana Man fired the Humvee's lasers as accurately as they could, picking off more of the creatures. The second guard tripped. The gooey zombies swarmed his body, and his screams ripped through the air. The first guard made it to the Humvee, climbing into the back, turning to look for his partner.

"JERRY!" he screamed back at his comrade.

"He's gone, I'm sorry!" Warren shouted. "Get us out of here!"

Banana Man slammed the Humvee into motion and began their retreat back toward the Kingdom. Warren climbed down from the turret and looked over the guard.

"Hey, what's your name?" he asked gently, checking for signs of injury or shock.

"Phil," The guard said, shaken.

"Okay, Phil, are you hurt?"

"One of those things bit me," he said, turning to his side. A chunk of his side was missing, the remaining area bruised and forming an unhealthy greenish tinge.

Warren froze. Were those things contagious? The big guy he shot earlier looked like he used to be one of those candy people.

"Please help me," the Banana Guard pleaded, staring into Warren's eyes and beginning to tear up. "I don't want to die!"

Warren did his best to remain calm, but the simple fact of the matter was that he didn't know exactly what he was dealing with here.

"Just stay calm, Phil. Take my hand. We're going back to the Candy Kingdom. We're gonna get you help. Keep talking to me, anything you want just keep talking."

"I can't die," the Guard sobbed. "My son needs his daddy!"

"Tell me about him."

"He's the cutest kid in the world. He's smart, not like me. His name's Split."

Warren froze in horror. Phil's tears were turning green.

"I- I- HRRRRNNNGGH!"

Phil was going into some sort of convulsions. Green fluid began leaking from his nasal cavity.

Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick… Warren's Geiger counter started to tick, increasing in frequency. Phil was screaming now.

"GLOB, IT HURTS!"

Warren felt the most bizarre feeling. Looking into Phil's eyes, he swore he'd seen this before somewhere, but it was like a memory from a dream.

The same sickly green substance began leaking out of his mouth, and the tears were thickening and becoming more copious. Warren let go of Phil's hand and opened the rear hatch. Positioning himself so that Phil was now between him and the opening, he drew his sidearm.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." he said flatly. Phil stopped convulsing and sat up. Slowly he turned his head to face Warren eye to eye, his screams and cries replaced by a low growl. Warren simply raised his weapon, took a deep breath, and pulled the trigger.

Half of his head flew out the back in a nasty yellow-green spray. The body remained upright for a moment, before a kick to the chest from Warren sent it tumbling out the back.

"What's going on back there!?" Banana Man shouted.

"They turned him into one of them. I had no choice." Warren said coldly, not removing his eyes from the corpse as it tumbled into the dirt and began to dissolve away.

* * *

Bubblegum climbed off Jake's back atop the rampart and looked out over the field. The Humvee looked to have put enough distance between it and the monsters to begin the artillery barrage. She gave the order to fire. The roar of the guns burst to life and the abominations' advance looked to be slowed by the incoming fire.

"Finn, Jake, when Warren gets here, tell him to come up here, please."

A few minutes later and everyone assembled around a table.

"Lemongrab's tightening his defensive positions around Castle Lemongrab. They've reported no further enemy contact, so it looks like this is the main attack," General Candy Corn reported. "Last count suggests that we're dealing with about two dozen of them."

"Enemy casualties?" Warren inquired.

"No known casualties so far." said Candy Corn.

"Well, we sawed the big guy in half in the woods…" Warren began, but Bubblegum interrupted.

"When?"

"About an hour ago, when we found your gumball man."

"Are you sure? I spotted him out there when we were attacked." Bubblegum had a hypothesis, but it would need further testing.

"100 percent." Warren said, looking worried.

Bubblegum briefly went over everything she knew about these things. They could turn other creatures into more of them, they could spit that goo; they seemed to generate it, as well.

"I've… witnessed the transformation process." Warren said, delicately. "Your man, Phil. He's dead."

Bubblegum knew him. He was one of the candy helicopter pilots, one of the few reasonably competent Banana Guards. This was a huge loss. She was going to have a hard time breaking the news to his family, too.

"I'm not totally sure, but I think he might be a confirmed enemy casualty." Warren continued

Bubblegum looked Warren directly in the eyes. She had the strangest feeling they were staring into each others' souls, and she didn't like it.

"Explain," she said flatly.

"Well, the other ones we shot? They just sort of flopped over and stopped moving. We thought they were dead. Phil dissolved into that nasty goo crap when he died. Unfortunately, this might be a bigger problem." He hung his head.

"Bigger problem, how?"

"It's just a hunch, but everything about these things screams 'bio-weapon' to me. They seem too dangerous to be natural, plus being able to transform other life forms, fast healing, dissolving on death, these sound like they were engineered for war."

Bubblegum had actually been thinking on very similar lines already. This was not looking good.

"And," Warren concluded. "The major problem with **that** is that nobody designs a weapon like that unless they're not planning on surviving its deployment either or they've got some means of controlling it."

Bubblegum sighed. This wasn't going to be easy.


	11. Friction

Chapter Ten: Friction

Finn the Human stood beside his Princess as the cannon fire came to a close. As the dust cleared, not a single Goo Monster remained standing on the field of battle. Her experiment had begun. Several minutes passed in awkward silence as she stared intently through her spyglass at the mauled enemies. Green goo was splattered everywhere, leaving large dead patches in the grass. Craters from cannon fire dotted the landscape as well. Inwardly, Finn struggled to remember whether past conflicts in his childhood had done this much damage. He couldn't shake the feeling that life was becoming more and more violent as he aged, and he remembered back to Billy's words when he had first met him. Although they both had learned in the subsequent adventure that there was indeed a time and a place for violence, Finn began to wonder just where it all went too far.

"There!" Bubblegum shouted suddenly.

Disturbed from his thoughts, Finn began to let out a high pitched wail as he still often did when startled, before clapping his hand to his mouth almost as soon as it had escaped. If anyone around heard, they paid no notice.

"Unglaublich!" she exclaimed. Finn was familiar with Bubblegum's rarely seen habit of speaking in some language he didn't know when she was under lots of pressure. That didn't bode well for what she must be seeing, then. However, another voice spoke.

"Was hast du gesagt?" It was Warren.

Bubblegum's mouth dropped slightly in surprise, but she never lowered the telescope.

Finn had no clue as to the meaning of the verbose exchange that followed between the two, and it made him curious. What was that language, and how did Warren know it? If he knew it, it must have been around before the war. He looked over at Jake, who simply shrugged.

Bubblegum switched back to English and addressed the group around her. The Goo Monsters were getting back up!

"That group over there that you guys sliced in half, they fused back together!" she shouted, pointing. "But there's fewer of them now! Some must have died in the bombardment and we didn't see it. But how did we do it?"

"Phil was still in an early stage of transformation, but he died when shot in the head." Warren remarked. "Think that'll do it?"

"It's worth a shot," Bubblegum said. "Take defensive positions, everyone."

Finn took this opportunity to approach Warren.

"You know that language Bubblegum speaks?" he asked, astonished.

"Ja!" replied Warren, who chuckled softly at Finn's expression. "It's German. My ancestors were German."

"So it's an ancient language or something?" Finn asked, confused.

"Only about as ancient as English," Warren replied, picking some dirt from under a fingernail. Finn was thoroughly confused. "I've told you a lot about my country, Finn, but that wasn't all of humanity, you know."

"What other countries were there?" Finn asked.

"Before the war, there were about seven billion humans living in over 200 countries spread across the entire planet, each rich in their own culture and history. I had feared that history was all lost, but…" Warren trailed off, looking contemplative.

Seven billion humans? Finn struggled to process the number. So his kind had once covered the world. A seemingly endless number of people just like Finn, with ambitions and feelings. And now there were three. What could possibly have caused such a fall? What kind of evil could cause that kind of devastation? Finn thought learning about his people's past would bring him peace. Instead, now he felt a crushing sadness at a loss he'd never seen. Sadness, but also anger: a demand to know why his people had been taken from him. And as Finn processed these feelings, a realization struck him. All this emotion was for a people he had never known. Warren had been there. Marceline had been there. Betty and Simon had been there. Perhaps his quest for understanding was not yet over.

"EVIL PRESENCE APPROACHING!" one of the Gumball Guardians sounded, somewhat redundantly as the monsters came into range of the walls.

"That's our cue," Warren said, drawing a large metal object from his vest. "Showtime."

* * *

They were approaching the range of the Guardians now. Bubblegum analyzed the situation. Multiple tactics and weapons systems were to be evaluated in the coming assault. As an experiment went, the situation was hardly ideal, too many variables in play at once. But time was of the essence and protecting her people had to take top priority. First up were her Gumball Guardians.

"Attack!" she ordered, and the colossi sprung into action. Stepping over the castle walls, one of the Guardians fired a laser blast with pinpoint accuracy from its eyes into one of the creatures' faces, blasting the head and much of its upper torso away. Green goo flooded out of the stub and the body began to dissolve. The second Guardian fired a high-powered beam from its mouth, and its target exploded on impact. Bubblegum felt a surge of excitement, the tide was turning! Everything was going according to plan.

The monstrosities scattered as the Guardians continued to press their attack. The Gumball Guardians picked off targets one by one: There were only about a dozen left now, around half the original force. Half of the remaining creatures turned and began running toward the Cotton Candy forest while the other half held their ground and prepared to spit. Bubblegum wasn't too worried. The Gumball Guardians were heavily armored by design, and even given what she had seen of the creatures' capabilities, the best they could hope to do was to temporarily disable them, and even that was highly unlikely. That was, until she saw it happen. Three creatures each took a Guardian. Firing their noxious spit simultaneously, they sprayed into the eyes of the Guardians.

"Ow." The Guardians monotonously protested. Even these abominations were no match for the Guardians' resilience. The creatures may as well have been using pepper spray. What followed was unexpected, however. While the Guardians' vision was temporarily impaired by the goo, the retreating creatures turned in unison and renewed their assault on the Guardians. Now six on one, they fired another concentrated volley of spit. Into their coin slots.

Bubblegum stood shocked and in disbelief. Not even the Guardians themselves knew why their coin slots were so small in proportion to their bodies, nor did they know why they were programmed with an instinctive aversion to anyone tampering with them. For that matter, most people aside from Bubblegum herself didn't even know they _had_ coin slots. It was the one place they could have hit for maximum damage on the Guardians. The coin slot was the access port to their internals, where their critical functions and even their souls were housed. If they survived, they would take months to recover. Howling in pain, the Guardians toppled to the ground and out of the fight.

Something was up. These creatures were beyond coordinated, they were using _tactics_. They had never been this persistent or organized before. What changed? An even better question: how did they know the Guardians' weak point? Thoughts and theories raced through Bubblegum's mind, but she put them off. The battle at hand must take priority.

As the abominations renewed their advance, Bubblegum raised her weapon. She hesitated for a moment. Warren was present. Her Ball Blam Burglerber was reverse engineered from American tech. What if he recognized it? It didn't matter, her Kingdom was in danger. She had to do it. Lining up a shot on a large concentration of enemies, she pulled the trigger.

* * *

Warren had Banana Man re-position the Humvee to its former defensive position in front of the drawbridge. Without the sugar bags, they were more exposed, but they didn't have time to rebuild the fortifications. A dozen tough enemies began their approach. Warren had set the laser cannon to its highest output, but he would have to be careful with his shots lest it overheat. Lining up a shot on the lead enemy, Warren was suddenly blinded by a flash of light.

A wave of heat washed over Warren, and he swore he could smell caramelized sugar with it. As the light dissipated, he looked out over the turret. The enemies he was tracking were gone, and the wind from the area began to take an ionized, electric sort of smell. Faint but unmistakable in the mix was one that Warren had smelled before, and had hoped never to again. Burnt flesh.

Climbing out of the turret and drawing his Gauss pistol, he crept forward to get a better look. There was no motion in the area. He spotted what appeared to be the center of impact, a crystalline looking crater of black earth. He could feel the heat radiating from the spot. His Geiger counter ticked at an above normal but safe rate all around the area.

A sickly whine sounded from the outer edge of the destruction, and a mass on the ground began to move. As he approached it, he noted that its movement was unnatural and his Geiger counter increased its ticking. He fired two rounds into it. The resulting splash was glowing green and the ticks on the Geiger counter rose sharply with it, but the mass stopped moving before beginning to smoke and hiss. In a matter of seconds, it bubbled over into a puddle of goop. Warren searched the area and discovered two more survivors, which he dispatched in the same manner, before he was assured the area was clear. Turning towards the Candy Kingdom wall, the large scorch marks seemed to explain the sugary scent he'd smelled earlier. Finn and Jake were running through the gate, and behind them Princess Bubblegum was advancing with a force of candy cane toting Banana Guards. Just the person he wanted to see.

"Hostile forces annihilated," he announced to the approaching Princess.

"On behalf of the Candy Kingdom, I offer you my sincerest thanks for your assistance in its defense," she said formally.

"Thank you, ma'am, but there's-"

Bubblegum raised a hand. "Please, call me Bonnie." She smiled at him warmly. Despite himself, Warren complied.

"Bonnie, look. May I speak with you in private, please?"

"Of course. Walk with me?"

* * *

Princess Bubblegum led Warren to the collapsed Gumball Guardians. She immediately began inspecting the damage to the first, but relaxed a little after a few moments.

"Looks like the armor held up. He'll survive, but it'll take a while to get him back in shape," she said mostly to herself.

Warren seemed to be ignoring her. "You know, I'm surprised at just how familiar a lot of things are in this New World."

"What do you mean?" She asked, innocently.

"Well, I mean it seems like a lot more things survived the War than I had expected." He replied, coyly.

"Like German?" she asked, smiling at him.

"Like German, yes," he said normally. He scanned the area and lowered his voice. "Or M93 Plasma Grenades." Bubblegum froze and her smile faded somewhat. "So you do know. Then I take it you can understand my concerns."

"Yes," she replied honestly, her smile fading completely. "But I'm hoping you can understand some of mine in turn."

"Shoot." He said, extending his hand, inviting her to speak.

"That's some serious firepower you're carrying, yourself," she said, gesturing at his holstered Gauss pistol. "And you've got vehicle-mounted laser weapons, too."

"A fair point," he conceded. "But we're talking about the most advanced and devastating conventional battlefield systems of World War III, here."

Bubblegum was becoming slightly annoyed.

"So the civilization that annihilated itself with nuclear weapons is mature enough to use them and mine isn't?"

"I didn't mean it like that, I-"

"So how did you mean it then?" This seemed to silence him for a moment. Bubblegum didn't really want to, but she felt that it would be better for him to know. "Let me share a little secret with you. I've been around for a while," she blushed, hesitating to reveal just how long. "I may not look it, but I'm 830 years old." Warren appeared to be trying very hard to contain himself, yet was still visibly shocked by this information. Bubblegum's blush deepened. "I respect you, Captain, but when it comes to the safety of my Kingdom and its people I will use whatever is necessary to protect them. This world is dangerous. All I want is to give my people safe and happy lives."

"Alright, alright," he said with his hands in front of him. "If we're still on a first name basis, you can call me Gary, by the way." He smiled.

Although somewhat troubled by the conversation that had just occurred, Bubblegum was glad that it had not gone as badly as she'd feared. Perhaps there was hope after all.


	12. Networking

Chapter Eleven: Networking

Warren leaned against the wall of the Candy Castle main hall, quietly sipping his drink. Night had fallen on the Candy Kingdom, and a party was being held to celebrate its survival of the battle earlier that day. More of a skirmish by Warren's standards, really, but then World War III and the nuclear apocalypse were a pretty colossal standard. Examining his glass, Warren contemplated the loose ends of the battle that had yet to wrap up. What were those creatures? Where did they come from? Why did they attack? Why did Warren have the unshakeable feeling he'd seen them before? Sighing, he downed the rest of the glass in a single gulp.

"Hey, man." Warren turned to the source of the address. It was Finn. "I made some guac. You wanna give it a try?"

Actually, a little food did sound good right about now; some of the party guests were starting to look quite delicious and despite his conscious insistence that they were not on the menu, his stomach nonetheless bothered him whenever he was hungry in their presence. As he travelled the room, he noted that the guests were in rather high spirits, despite their casualties. Jake and Lady Rainicorn danced in the crowd, absorbed in themselves like the two lovebirds they were. Reaching the snack table, he located Finn's guacamole and served himself a sample. It was quite good, and seemed to be made with real avocado; another survivor for the tally.

Suddenly, Warren felt a sharp tap on his left shoulder. Turning to grant his attention to the culprit, he found nobody there. Another tap, this time on his right shoulder. Ah, playing games, were they? Warren turned a 360 degree arc, sweeping the lower field of his vision, but found nothing. Perplexed, he conducted another toward the air. Confused, he turned to Finn and prepared to ask for input when a third tap hit him firmly on the tip of his nose. This was well within his field of vision, and there was no explicable source.

"What the-"

He heard giggling. It was coming from above him. With a lightning fast motion, he reached upward towards the source and felt contact with something solid. Grabbing a hold of it, he pulled downward and looked into his hand at what he was holding: a single red boot.

"Okay, Finn. I've gotta admit, your friend's a fast one," a female voice spoke.

"Hey, Marcy. You gonna introduce yourself?" Finn asked.

A pale girl with long, black hair appeared before Warren. She was floating, at eye level but upside down. Sticking a serpentine tongue out at him, she reached her hand out expectantly. Judging by her wearing only one red boot, Warren had a good idea what she wanted. But it was his turn to play. Taking her hand in a handshake instead, he held her boot behind his back and played stupid.

"Nice to meet you. Captain Gary Warren, United States Air Force. You must be Marceline. I've heard about you."

A small smile appeared on the girl's face before she suddenly vanished. Warren latched down on her hand and sure enough, felt resistance. She was trying to pull a fast one. Reappearing into view, her smile was now a devilish toothy grin, showing off a pair of sharp fangs. With a hiss, she suddenly transfigured into a monstrous bat creature.

"You're going to have to do better than that," he said, unfazed. "US military invented shock and awe."

Transforming back into a girl, she stared fiendishly into his eyes. "That implies I don't actually intend to hurt you."

"You don't."

"What makes you so sure?" she said, baring her fangs at him.

"Call it a hunch," he replied casually.

He could see the frustration in his adversary's eyes. More resistance as she tried to pull her hand from his. He was enjoying this. It was combat, not deadly, not malicious, but combat nonetheless, and he always loved a good challenge. Judging by her body language, so did she. However, there could only be one winner, and he was about to be bested.

Out of nowhere, her lips met his in a full-on kiss. Momentarily thrown off by this turn of events, he realized too late that this was exactly what she was counting on. Freed from his grip, she vanished once more. In an instant, Warren felt his arm twisted and the boot pulled from his hand. Unhanded, he was sent staggering forward from a swift kick in the rear. Reappearing wearing a satisfied expression and two red boots, Marceline broke into all-out laughter.

"Not bad," she remarked. "If we could just get you to loosen up, I've got a feeling we could really get this party started."

Warren conceded his defeat. "Pragmatic approach. I like it."

"Marceline, glad you could make it." Princess Bubblegum had made her way to the scene. Although she appeared slightly annoyed, she seemed fairly amused as well.

"You know me, Bonnie. What's a little party crashing between friends?"

"You didn't bring LSP with you, did you?" Bubblegum asked, narrowing her eyes.

"No, but I wouldn't be surprised if she shows up anyway. You know her."

As the Princess and the Vampire Queen talked, Warren caught a glimpse of a tall, thin Lemon person approaching rapidly. He looked agitated.

"Announcing the arrival of the Earl of Lemongrab!" called a sentient piñata.

Bubblegum excused herself from the group. Warren kept an eye on her as she left, though he didn't really understand why. Perhaps it was simply old habit. He was actually growing rather fond of the gummy monarch, despite his personal reservations about non-constitutional monarchy. Warren caught a glimpse of Bubblegum speaking to the lemon man on the far side of the room. A short mint in a blue tuxedo was also present.

"THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE!" Even at such range, the man's shrill wails sounded loud and clear, attracting the attention of more than a few bystanders.

"What's with this guy?" Warren asked Finn, pointing at Lemongrab.

"That's Lemongrab," Finn replied sourly. "He runs the Lemon Earldom not too far from here. Guy's got issues, he's a real jerk."

Warren continued to watch as Bubblegum hurriedly led the man away down one of the halls. Silently appraising the Lemon Earl, he had a bad feeling in his gut. It wasn't long before Marceline interrupted his thoughts.

"Seriously, dude, you look like you need to lighten up. Come on, Finn. Let's show him how it's done."

She was right. There would be time to mull things over later. It was party time. Warren grinned.

"Not if I show you up first."

* * *

Bubblegum didn't need this headache right now, but Lemongrab rarely gave her a choice. She had a pretty good idea what this conversation was going to be about, and she was certain it wasn't going to go well. The last thing she needed was him throwing a tantrum and making an even bigger scene. This is why she had dispatched Peppermint Butler to oversee the festivities while she took care of business in private. Of course, that was never easy with Lemongrab. The man had a tendency to be heard by any living creature inside 400 yards, regardless of walls or other obstacles. Fortunately, Bubblegum had just the place to meet.

"In here," she gestured, sliding open a hidden doorway. This passageway led to a disused hazard shelter. Moving through it to its end, she opened the old hatchway and led them inside, sealing it behind them. Lemongrab appraised the room and its layers of dust.

"This place is unfit for royalty!" he whined.

"I have more royal credentials than you, remember?" she scolded. "This place is hidden, soundproofed, and completely unmonitored. It's ideal for this discussion. Make this quick and we won't be in here for long," she said sternly, arms crossed.

Lemongrab moaned his displeasure, but dropped the issue. He didn't waste any more time on formalities.

"You owe a debt to Castle Lemongrab! It must be repaid immediately!" he began, raising an accusing finger at her. "Seven of my loyal lemon children were depleted of their vital juices for the Candy Kingdom this day; their pure essence lost to me and their loyal brothers and sisters!"

"Yes, and I am truly sorry for your loss, but-"

"The terms of our alliance demand your aid in the face of this loss!"

Bubblegum knew exactly where this was going.

Since the 'deaths' of Lemongrabs 1 and 2 two years ago left incomplete remains, Lemongrab 3 was constructed of parts from them both. She had created them identically, so she figured it would be a simple, straightforward reconstruction. 0.5 + 0.5 = 1.0 Lemongrab. She had attributed the schism between him and his brother to an unstable relationship model, of which Lemongrab 2 happened to be on the losing end. This turned out not to be the case. Somewhere, somehow they developed unique characteristics. They conflicted because they were beginning to actually think differently from one another. The results of combining their brain tissue thus led to some… complications. The new Lemongrab was somehow as much his old self as ever, and yet a new man.

This new Lemongrab's values could be said to be somewhere between the cruel tyrant that was Lemongrab 1 and the compassionate father figure that was Lemongrab 2, but was just as 'off' as either. His new style to ruling the Lemon Earldom led to some unforeseen complications. Some liberated Lemon citizens wished to follow in Lemonhope's footsteps and choose their own destiny, exploring the world as their own men and women. They were sorely disappointed when Lemongrab forbade them to leave. Others had suffered so greatly at Lemongrab 1's cruelty that they vowed never to willingly serve him again, regardless of whatever changes had come to him. There were loyalists, too, some believing that the Earldom could change for the better, others feeling a familial obligation to their "father." Over the course of two years, the populace factionalized before consolidating into a coalition of loyalists and a coalition of separatists.

Five months ago the separatists managed to stage an exodus but it was cut short by Lemongrab's response. Now a handful of them were hiding in the countryside, conducting raids and smuggling to "liberate" those they left behind. Lemongrab branded them rebels and traitors; they were to be returned to Castle Lemongrab for punishment and "reconditioning" at all costs. They were serious, though, and some of the clashes between royal and rebel forces had turned deadly. The way things were headed, the Lemon Earldom was on the edge of civil war. Obviously Bubblegum wanted to avoid this, but Lemongrab's aversion to peaceful negotiation was making things difficult. He instead favored the idea of a massive joint assault by lemon and candy troops to capture or eliminate all rogue elements.

"I will happily provide mediation or material aid, but my army is out of the question!"

"The Fourth Candy-Lemon Pact clearly states that any joint military operation between the Candy Kingdom and the Lemon Earldom is not complete until both parties deem it so by mutual consensus. I have read the reports on the creatures we fought today. By my order, all Lemon citizens must undergo emergency census and examination to determine the extent of contamination."

Bubblegum swore inwardly. She wrote that clause to prevent Lemongrab from bailing on operations supporting the Candy Kingdom. For Lemongrab to be using it against her now… clearly she had underestimated him. In fact, his plan was brilliant whether he intended so or not. Technically, she was legally obligated to provide support in some capacity pending an appeal to the Grand Council of Ooo Royalty for interpretation. Few of the other kingdoms could field military strength to combat these creatures. James was still unaccounted for and the prospect of an unknown number of transformed Lemon separatists was a credible threat. The lesser kingdoms would panic and getting their support to overturn the action was unlikely. Even if she did manage to convince the Council to see things her way it could take weeks before a decision was made. If she held back in the meantime and they decided against her, it would be a treaty violation. That would put her treaties with every other kingdom at risk as well. How did it come to this? Was she so used to manipulation that it was leading to arrogance?

"Very well. You'll get your military assistance, but under the law you don't get to dictate the manner in which the Candy Kingdom's forces will assist you. Those troops are under my command and will be used in a strictly defensive capacity. Is that clear?"

"Mmmmphhh." Lemongrab was clearly unsatisfied, but knew he had reached his limit for now. "I expect support within a week."

Lemongrab stormed out of the shelter, leaving Bubblegum alone. She sighed. She was going to have to play this very carefully.

* * *

Warren, Marceline, and Finn were throwing a grand performance. To Warren, the songs he was singing to the enthusiastic crowd were classics. To them, it was all brand new. He was amazed at how quickly Finn and Marceline picked up the material. Their presentation put a new twist on things, too. This impromptu performance was going as well as the best rehearsed show.

"_Can you take it all away? Can you take it all away? Well ya shoved it in my face, this pain you gave to me_…"

A sort of floating purple blob kept creeping closer and closer to the stage. As the song came to a close, it thing actually rushed the stage.

"Oh my Glob! This is lumpin' awesome!"

Warren's nostrils were suddenly filled with a horrid stench and it was all he could do to keep himself from gagging.

"Sir, please save all-"

"I'm Lumpy Space Princess," she said in what she almost certainly believed to be a seductive tone. She hadn't appeared to take notice of his mistaking her for male. "What's your name, stud-muffin?"

"Still the same old LSP…" Marceline chimed.

Warren sought an escape route. He hated to do it, but he could only find one.

"Sorry, miss. There's something really important I need to ask Finn."

Ducking away before she could respond, he strode off the stage, almost dragging Finn with him. Hiding behind a corner, he made his inquiry.

"Who or what is that thing?"

"LSP? She's the Princess of Lumpy Space. It's this sorta different dimension where everything is lumpy, it's kinda hard to explain."

"I always knew valley girls came from somewhere else…" Warren muttered to himself.

"Try to ignore the weird. It's just how Lumpy Space People are."

"It's not the weird that bothers me. She smells like gasoline and rotten fish!"

Finn shifted uncomfortably. "Yeah, that's because she sort of lives in a hobo camp in the woods…"

"Whatcha guys doin'? You jealous or something Finn?" LSP's surprise appearance startled Warren.

"No! I mean, I've… gotta go talk to Jake." Finn said nervously, edging away.

"_Don't leave me here!_" Warren mouthed.

Finn gave him a pitying look that just said, "_Sorry, man,_" and slipped away.

"Ah, yeah. So, where were we?" she said, putting a finger on his chest.

"LSP!" That voice was familiar. "What did I tell you about keeping away from Candy Kingdom functions!?" Bubblegum! Thank Christ.

"Hang on, I've got to deal with miss Bubble-butt. I'll be back."

Floating back around the corner, Warren heard her issue a stream of indistinct shouting. This was his chance to get away. He'd circle around the back and re-enter the hall from the other side just to be safe.

Rounding another corner in the hallway, he was confronted by a group of Candy People. The one in front was a short, round… thing. Whatever he was, he was sporting a killer mustache. He called out.

"Now!"

Warren found himself in a chokehold, a damp rag pressed against his face.

"_Let your guard down for five seconds and…_" he thought to himself before he lost consciousness.


	13. Veritas

Chapter Twelve: Veritas

Finn watched with amusement at the continued incompetence of the Banana Guards as they once again failed to eject Lumpy Space Princess from the party. Marceline floated over with a cup of punch, sucking the red from both the juice and the cup before handing the remains to him.

"Thanks, Marcy," he said politely, taking a sip from the clear but flavorful liquid.

"No prob, Finn," she said with a small smile. "What happened to Gary?"

"Still hiding from LSP, I think," Finn said with a shrug.

"Too bad, we had a good musical flow going."

Finn wasn't entirely paying attention. His thoughts drifted to Warren and Marceline. Questions swam through his mind that he was anxious to ask, but he didn't want to be a buzz kill. His lack of focus to the outside world was not lost on his vampire friend.

"What're you thinking about so hard, Finn?" she asked softly.

"It's nothing," he said somewhat defensively.

"You sure? I'm always here for you if something's bothering you, you know."

"Well, I was thinking…" he trailed off.

"Yeah?" she prompted, gently.

"Earlier today, Gary told me that there used to be almost seven billion humans in the world. I never really knew much about the Mushroom War, but I know it killed most of them. The more I think about it, the more I just can't understand it."

Marceline frowned, but remained silent. Finn stared into his cup.

"I need to know why, but when I ask Gary about it he gets really sad and he gives me this look. It's the same look Bubblegum gives me when she wants to protect me. And I thought of the things he must have seen and felt, and I realized that he wasn't the only one to see such darkness. You were there, too."

"Yeah, I was there," Marceline said, taking a deep breath. "I was only a little girl back then, but I remember."

"What happened?"

Marceline's expression was pained.

"I lost my mother when the bombs fell. I watched the world crumble and as I grew, I asked myself the same question. But you know what I realized, Finn?"

"What?" Finn asked, gazing attentively at her.

"In the end, it doesn't really matter. No matter we do, the bombs still fell a thousand years ago. What really matters is how we live today. Today is where our friends and dreams live, and today is what will shape tomorrow. Believe me I know it's hard, Finn, but it's better to let go."

"You really think so?" Finn asked, eyes wide.

Marceline hesitated.

"I do," she sighed.

Finn and Marceline gazed into each others' eyes. There was doubt behind the Vampire Queen's words, but somehow Finn understood perfectly. Marceline had chosen to move on because it was better for her to live her life in the new world than to carry the weight of the old. Finn pondered her choice. Marceline was by no means a weak person, in mind or in spirit. Perhaps some things remained better unexplored, after all. Whatever the truth was, it must have been great and terrible. Did he really want to shoulder that burden?

"Hmm."

* * *

Warren was coming to. There was a bag over his head, his hands were tied, and his right forearm felt sore. He had hoped after SERE training never to undergo a situation like this again. Survival was not applicable, he had failed Evasion; hopefully Resistance and Escape would not prove too difficult. If the weight in his vest felt right, he still had his pistol, along with the rest of his equipment. With the anger he felt right now, though, getting shot was the least of his captors' worries.

"Hey, relax. Take a deep breath," an unknown voice instructed him.

"I don't know who you people are but you've seriously pissed me off," Warren seethed.

"It was necessary."

"I'm gonna eat you when I get out of here!" he growled.

"Maybe this wasn't such a good idea," a second unknown voice chimed in.

"Just let me to the talkin'." He recognized this voice. It was the one with the mustache. "We don't want to hurt you, fella. We only kidnapped you because we need to be careful, see?"

"I'm afraid I can't say I do." Warren said coldly.

"We're the Veritas Brigade. We want the truth of all things, and we know we aren't getting it from the Princess. We think you might be willin' to help us out, once ya hear what we got to say."

Warren highly doubted this, but in his current situation and with his options he might as well listen.

"The Veritas Brigade was founded five years ago. As long as we could remember, Princess Bubblegum had always looked out for us. We loved her and we followed her without question. But then we started noticin' things. Zombie outbreaks, newfangled machines, shady folk; the Princess would always sweep 'em under the rug whenever we got curious. So we started payin' more attention. Didn't have much to go on at first, but things got really strange when we started pokin' around. Outta nowhere, some of our guys get a summons to the Castle then nobody's seen them since. Banana Guards start carryin' boomsticks. Hidden cameras watchin' us from everywhere, even in our bathrooms. Somethin' bigger's goin' on here and we have a right to know about it! She coulda been replaced by a lizard replicant, or just gone mad with power, maybe."

Warren considered what he had been told, and was troubled. On the one hand, these guys sounded like the paranoid conspiracy theorists from back in the day. Wiki Leaks types at least, and some of those guys had gone on to become terrorists. On the other hand, some of the details were highly disturbing solely on their own merits if true. Disappearances? Hidden cameras? Warren got the distinct impression of benevolence from the Princess, but he was all too aware that power corrupts. He'd fought that corruption on the battlefield.

"_When it comes to the safety of my Kingdom and its people I will use whatever is necessary to protect them._" Bubblegum's words echoed in his memory.

"You have proof of your claims?"

"That's where you come in," the voice of the mustached candy said cheerfully. "Our sources tell us you might be sympathetic to our ideals, and you meet with the Princess almost every day. She even seems to like you. You're in a perfect to help us get to the truth."

Warren analyzed his situation once more. If he agreed to help them here and now, he was technically under no obligation to fulfill his end of the bargain should they turn out to be conspiracy kooks. In any event, their claims were certainly serious enough to warrant investigation, though almost certainly not for the reasons they believed.

"I'll do it, but with conditions." Warren cautiously assented. "I want to know your identities, and I want independent action. I report if and when I have something, I'm not affiliated with your organization, and I reserve the right to terminate this arrangement at my discretion."

"We can't do that!" the second unknown voice from earlier exclaimed. Hushed murmurs Warren couldn't make out followed.

"Excuse us for a moment, please?" said the first unknown voice.

Warren agreed and he heard the Candy People leave the room. Ten minutes passed in their absence. The time was not spent idle. Warren noted the smell of the room; chocolaty, but also earthen. His binds seemed to be made of metal. Escape may be difficult if required. The bag was secured to his head via ties to his neck. Getting it off would be tricky without first freeing his hands. Hopefully this information would not be necessary, however. Hearing the sounds of his captors' return, he quickly assumed a position of idle wait.

"We accept your conditions," the mustached voice announced.

At once, Warren felt a pair of hands untying the straps of the bag, and in a minute or so, it was removed. Despite being quite dim, what little light shone in the room hurt his eyes for a few seconds before they adjusted. Warren observed the crowd in front of him. There was the mustached man, a large vanilla sprinkled donut, a candy corn rodent, a large ball of what appeared to be cookie dough, and…

"Nurse Poundcake?"

She nodded in recognition.

"You're not going to eat us if we undo your restraints, right?" the cookie dough ball asked shakily, matching the second unknown voice from earlier.

"Relax. I give you my word." Warren assured.

"Alright," he said nervously, edging forward to release him. "I'm Crunchy, by the way."

"I'm Kenneth!" the donut piped, the first unknown voice. "That's Science," he said, pointing to the candy corn rat, who squeaked in response.

"OW!" Warren shrieked when Crunchy grabbed his forearm to undo the restraint.

"Sorry!" he yelled.

"Why does my arm hurt so much?"

"That's Starchie's doing," Nurse Poundcake replied.

"I couldn't help it!" protested the mustached ball. "Ol' Starchie loves the taste of human flesh!" Warren grimaced uncomfortably at the man. "Don't worry. I've got my taste. I won't do it again…" he said sheepishly.

Fully released from his bonds, Warren examined the wound. It was actually quite shallow. Letting the issue slide despite his irritation, he stood and addressed the group.

"Lady," he said, tipping his head towards Nurse Poundcake, "Gentlemen. If you don't mind, I'll be taking my leave now. I shall forget the unpleasant circumstances of our meeting and keep this little chat to myself for now. Don't make me regret it."

* * *

Bubblegum had been keeping a close eye on the door as the crowd began to shrink. Warren was not present, but his Humvee was still parked outside. It was unlikely he would leave without it. She hoped he wasn't poking around the castle. She highly doubted he'd find anything on a random search, but the thought made her uneasy nonetheless. It was half an hour and the crowd was down to about a dozen people before she spotted him entering the hall from a side door. She slowly made her way closer to him. This plan could go seriously wrong in any number of ways, but it was her best shot. Warren headed for Finn. Bubblegum caught his words.

"Hey, buddy. I'm pretty tired, I think I'm gonna head out. We still on for tomorrow?"

"Yeah, man," Finn said brightly. "Hey, Jake! It's four in the morning man, we should bounce."

"Alright, homie. I'm gonna spend the night with Lady, but I'll drop you off at the tree fort first." Jake said, gesturing to Lady Rainicorn with his thumb.

"Right on," he told his canine companion. "See ya everybody!" he called to the handful of remaining candy guests.

Bubblegum waved her handkerchief at him in farewell and he smiled as the trio departed. Re-locating Warren, she found him saying goodbyes to Marceline near a passed-out drunk LSP.

"I've got a place in a cave South of Finn's place. He can show you where it is. You should totally come by so we can jam sometime."

"I'll let you know." Warren replied.

"Well, it was great meeting you, but I've gotta get LSP here back to her little camp. Later!"

Grabbing LSP by the arm, she hoisted the smelly blob over her shoulder and flew with her out the window. The remaining candy people were busy grabbing the last of the snacks. This was her chance.

"Hey," she greeted him.

"Excellent party, Bonnie. A fitting tribute to victory, and a fine toast to the dead."

"I didn't see you for a while," she said in a friendly tone. "I wanted to talk to you some more."

"You're not the only one," he chuckled. "I had to evade Lumpy Space Princess for a while there."

They looked into each other's eyes. Bubblegum sensed some deceit from him, and wondered if he could sense hers as well.

"I was just wondering if you could spare some time tomorrow to come see me," she asked, clasping her hands in front of her.

"I always have time for you, Princess. What do you need?" he replied with a smile.

"I was actually thinking we could speak strictly in a social capacity," She said with a small smile of her own.

"Oh! Okay. 1400 sound good?"

"I'll put it in my schedule."

Phase 1 successful. Bubblegum felt a mixture of feelings at his reaction: Satisfaction, pride, and guilt. The last puzzled her somewhat. It wasn't as though she was befriending him solely for the purpose of manipulating him for her kingdom's interests. She was starting to quite like the "old" man. Only time would tell if the feeling was mutual. And if it could be turned to her advantage.


	14. Hopes and Dreams

Chapter Thirteen: Hopes and Dreams

The sun shone brightly over the Candy Kingdom as the Captain and the Princess strolled through the garden. Butterflies flew carefree about the fruit gummy trees and the delicate flowers. Songbirds chirped pleasant tunes that carried through the air. The air was sweet and crisp. To the casual observer, it was a perfect day. But all was not well.

Warren was no casual observer. Shaped by intense training and the experience of war, invisible red flags dotted the scene. The Gumball Guardians were absent from the walls, still out of commission from the battle now two weeks ago. Banana Guards patrolled the walls as sentries in their place, supplemented by volunteer Civil Defense personnel. The Candy People, normally social and lively, walked the streets in near silence, focused on their business and little else. Indeed, the amount of time he had spent with Princess Bubblegum lately would certainly have been the talk of the town otherwise.

The amount of time she had spared for him lately wasn't the only change Warren had noticed about the Princess, for that matter. There was something different about her appearance, though he couldn't quite place his finger on what. Perhaps he was just being paranoid given his ulterior motives, but somehow his instincts told him his inner reservations were valid. Spying was never something that he felt comfortable performing, though perhaps spying was a harsh word. His discrete investigation seemed to validate at least one of the Veritas Brigade's claims thus far. Even in this tranquil garden, he caught a glint of light off a camera lens tucked away in the foliage of a bush. Who but Bubblegum knew how many there were total?

For one whose activities concerned him so, Bubblegum was actually quite pleasant to be around, however. It turned out they shared a good number of interests and tastes. They had even found and watched an old pre-war holovid that was among both their favorites. Warren also couldn't help but admire her intelligence and passion for knowledge. They had already had several deep and engaging conversations on matters of science, philosophy, history, art, and culture.

"Are you thirsty at all?" she asked as they ambled.

"A little, I suppose," he replied, cocking his head to the side.

"Would you care to continue our discussion over some tea in my personal chambers?" she asked softly and politely.

Bubblegum's personal chambers? Warren hesitated for a moment before answering.

"I'd like that very much, but I'll leave the final decision to you, if you don't mind."

Bubblegum smiled.

"Follow me,"

The journey did not take long, but Warren found it slightly awkward nonetheless. He kept quiet as she led him. When they reached her room, the suited mint was already standing outside with a platter of tea.

"Thank you, Peppermint Butler."

They entered, and the mint proceeded to set a small table on the far side of the room from her bed. They got situated, the butler bowed, and left. Bubblegum spooned some sugar into her tea and delicately raised her cup.

"Where were we?" she asked semi-rhetorically.

"Well, we were discussing the concept of transition between integers if there's an infinite number of decimals in between them…" he didn't quite finish his sentence.

"Is something wrong?" she asked sweetly, taking a sip of her tea.

"No, it's not that," he shifted in his seat. "It's just that the setting seems a bit… personal."

"Yeah, well…" she said almost in a whisper. Even through her pink cheeks Warren could tell she was blushing slightly. "There's something I wanted to show you, if that's alright."

"What is it?" Warren asked. His mind was racing, and as much as he didn't want to admit it, he was downright embarrassed about some of the places it was taking him.

"Something very old and very precious to me," she replied, smiling.

Warren felt somewhat relieved, but now he practically itched with curiosity. She rose slowly and smiled, her eyes asking him to follow. Slowly, he rose. Smiling wider, she led him to one of the many dressers in the room. Pulling it open revealed a large electronic touchpad screen in place of hanging clothes. She punched in a long string of codes, and the drawers began to re-arrange themselves.

A glass case rose from the drawers, sealed and armored around the sides, like the kind of safe box Warren had seen in pre-war museums to seal and climate control precious artifacts. In it was a small book. There were scorch marks on its cover amidst the general wear; the pages between were ragged on the edges and bright yellow with age. Despite its damage, it was clear that this was a children's story book from before the war. The touchscreen now displayed large-print text.

"Das Reich der Sonne" he read aloud. Touching the screen and sweeping his fingers across, the digital pages turned, and he silently read the contents within.

The tale began describing a world in despair, fraught with evil and suffering. In the midst of this darkness, a kingdom struggles to survive as it is left bereft of its king and queen while corrupt bureaucrats, military warlords, and outside menaces fight for the last scraps of the dying land. The kingdom's young princess cannot bear to witness the cruelty and injustices of this harsh world, and takes it upon herself to defend the innocent, serving as the sentinel and protector of her people, and though they face many harrowing challenges, they prosper under her leadership. Nearby communities follow their example, and together they begin to rebuild the lost beauty of their world.

"This was the first book I ever read," Bubblegum explained. "When I was little, I idolized that princess. She was just a storybook character, but she was my hero. I used to pretend to be her, champion of justice and peace. In time as I learned and grew, I became less enamored with the character and more with the ideas she represented. Her creators believed that one light in the darkness could trigger the beginning of something bright and beautiful. It was an inspiring vision."

"Indeed," Warren agreed.

"I've dedicated my life to making that vision a reality. Life's never as simple as in the stories, of course. I've had to make a lot of tough decisions over the years, and I'm not always proud of them," she admitted, hanging her head. "I've never really talked to anyone about all this. Not even Peppermint Butler. The Candy People are like my children, but children don't always make the best confidants."

Warren eyed the Princess as she seemed to fumble for words.

"I suppose what I'm trying to say is that I'm very happy I can call you a friend, Gary," she said, smiling sheepishly and blushing slightly.

"I'm honored, Bonnie. I'm glad I can say the same of you."

They returned to their tea shortly thereafter and after about a half an hour of regular conversation, it was time for Warren to head for home; a log cabin about halfway between Finn and Jake's tree house and Raven Rock. It would be an hour drive, at least, and with an unlit makeshift dirt path, he would need all the visibility he could get. The now-closer friends said their goodbyes and Warren began to make his way out of the castle. Then he heard something.

A squeak. Looking around, it didn't take him long to find the source. Science the rat lurked in a doorway. Not looking directly at it in case there were cameras around, Warren briefly checked his surroundings and spoke softly.

"I have nothing for you. I'll report in when I've got something."

"Squeak, squeak." The rat accompanied these squeaks with odd motions. Warren followed them with his peripheral vision.

"What is it?"

"Squeak." It darted back and forth between Warren and the doorway.

"You want me to follow you?"

It nodded. Warren sighed.

"Lead the way."

* * *

Bubblegum remained in her chambers, pensive over what had just transpired. Two weeks ago, she had set her plan in motion. It was to be a simple psychological operation: obtain the good will of Captain Gary Warren to prevent potential resistance to the Candy Kingdom's interests. With luck, she might even be able to recruit him for its cause. Then something happened.

She'd thought it over several times. She had learned through her interactions with him that Warren was driven by a strong sense of purpose. That was her ticket in. His purpose before had been to serve his nation and its people, but they were dead now. If she could harness that dedication for _her_ people, she would secure her interests, but also be able to offer him some emotional peace in return. She would have to be careful about how she introduced the concept; he would be much more likely to accept it if he came to it on his own, but to do that he needed some coaching. That had been the true purpose of showing him the book.

But as she was watching him read it, something had stirred inside her. She felt vulnerable, but also a warm and pleasant sensation. Her guard slipped, and her words explaining its meaning just flowed out, uncensored and unfiltered. She had lost sight of her objective. Instead of providing thoughtful and delicate influence, there she was pouring a piece of her very soul into him. Realization set in that she had come to care about him on a very personal level. It wasn't really a bad thing, as it didn't necessarily put the Kingdom's interests at risk, but it certainly raised the stakes.

The likelihood of Warren becoming a danger to the Candy Kingdom was becoming increasingly low by her estimation, but the prospect troubled her nonetheless. She was no stranger to the concept that responsibility demands sacrifices, but Bubblegum was beginning to question just how far she was willing to go should the worst come to pass, especially now that she had allowed her personal feelings to become involved. She remembered Shoko. Bubblegum would have forgiven her, but she died in the heat of conflict, before she had a chance. That was the main reason why Bubblegum had kept a good number of her friends at a distance since, even Finn.

For now though, she couldn't get caught up in what may come. She could only continue and hope for the best. A tone began to sound. It was her emergency contact video phone. She was seriously beginning to regret installing those, at least the ones in her lab and bedroom. Walking over to it, she answered the call. A familiar yellow face appeared on the screen. For once, he seemed pleased.

"Hello, Lemongrab," she greeted him unenthusiastically.

"It has begun."

* * *

Science had been leading Warren for several minutes now. The route seemed lost and aimless and Warren was beginning to lose his patience. Whatever the rat wanted with him better be good, he thought to himself as they rounded yet another corner in the maze-like innards of an area of the castle he hadn't been to before.

Suddenly, the rat stopped and reared itself onto its hind legs, scanning the area.

"Squeak, squeak!" it chirped at him.

"Right, so you've led me here. Now what?"

The rodent began making several unhealthy sounding noises and began to twist and heave. Warren stood worried but unsure of what, if anything, he was supposed to do. Fortunately, this did not last longer than a few seconds. Reaching into its mouth, it produced an electronic data storage device, and held it up to him.

"_Lovely_," he thought. Taking the wet, slimy device, he wiped it off on his pant leg before examining it. What he found gave him pause. Its only distinguishing feature was a serial number stamped onto the back of the casing, but it spoke immensely to the value of what he had just been given. The serial number contained a prefix code that Warren found all too familiar.

It was proprietary to the United States Department of Defense.


	15. Catalyst

Chapter Fourteen: Catalyst

Finn the Human stared blankly at the ceiling of the tree fort. It was past 10 AM but he was still in his sleeping bag. Jake was downstairs keeping his distance for now, but it was only a matter of time before he'd press the issue. Finn didn't particularly want to talk to his brother about what was bothering him, but he was focused right now and didn't want to get distracted just yet. He was sifting through his feelings, and he had a feeling he was close to finding what he was after.

He hadn't thought about his feelings for Bubblegum in quite a long time. Over the years, the two had formed a very close but somewhat complicated relationship. In some ways she was his friend, in others his crush, in others his mentor, and in others almost a mother. She never made it easy to tell exactly where they stood, and Finn had learned to just accept it. But she and Gary had been spending a lot of time together lately, a lot more time than Bubblegum usually spared for anyone. Finn felt uncomfortable about it, but couldn't put his finger on why. Was he simply missing her as a friend, was it romantic jealousy, or was it concern? If he were simply missing his friend, why so much now and why did it feel so strong? Finn thought he'd come to terms with his romantic feelings for Bubblegum years ago. And if it was concern, what for? Gary was a stand-up guy. Nothing made sense. There must have been a missing explanation somewhere, and he was determined to find it.

"Hey, Finn, are you feeling okay? You're not getting sick or something?"

Jake must have made it upstairs quietly. Finn felt slight annoyance at the interruption of his thoughts, but not directed at Jake. He couldn't have known what he was interrupting and he always just wanted to help.

"Nah, man, just… tired," he lied.

"You don't look tired," Jake replied cautiously. "You look like you're festering on something again."

Finn raised his head and looked his brother in the eyes. He was right, of course. You don't live with someone for the vast majority of your life and not get to know them pretty well, after all. No, Finn wasn't going to be able to lie his way out of this one. Even if he went out for some time alone, Jake wouldn't forget. Sitting up all the way and working his way out of the sleeping bag, he swung his legs out over the bed and sat on the edge.

"I don't want to talk about it," he told his canine companion defensively.

"You know it's just gonna keep eating away at you if you bottle that stuff up, man. Remember that time when you went off hiding in the pillow fort and it turned out to be no big issue? Or that time you went bonkers and started tearing up the place because the ghost of your former self wanted to give Bubblegum back that locket?" Jake said pointedly.

"That's different," Finn said with a slight scowl.

"Not really. Trust me, dude."

Jake wasn't going to let this go. Then again, he usually had good advice when it came to this kind of stuff.

"Alright, alright," Finn capitulated. "Gary and PB have been spending a lot of time together lately and I feel kind of not good about it but I don't know why."

"Not good like jealous?" Jake asked, cocking his head to the side.

"That's just it, man. I don't know. It doesn't feel like jealousy, well, maybe… I just don't know." Finn hung his head in frustration.

"Maybe it's a bunch of different emotions all at once, coming together to make something else. Kinda like how the bread, bacon, tomato, more bacon, lettuce, and more bacon make a sammich. A delicious, bacony sammich…" Jake's stomach grumbled loudly at this analogy.

"Maybe… I guess she's just so many things to me, and they don't all go together." Finn strained.

"Sounds like you're confused. Maybe you should talk to Gary or Bubblegum about it, see what's what before you get all bent out of shape."

"No way, man! I can figure this out," Finn asserted, shaking his head.

"Your life, dude, your choice. Just don't let it eat you up too much. There'll be plenty of time to think about it. Get some sunshine, socialize. I'm here for you if you need me, bro." Jake wrapped his arm around Finn's shoulder reassuringly.

"I know," Finn said seriously yet softly. "I'm hungry. Let's eat!" he said with more vigor.

Bacon Sammich Time!

* * *

**USERID VERIFIED**

**PASS VERIFIED**

**WELCOME, *ERROR***

Warren knew it was too much to ask, but times like this he wished some more of the advanced technology had made it past the war; this thing was ancient. Still, it was capable of reading the data drive Science had given him and that was a small miracle in itself, so it wouldn't do to complain. Reclining in his seat, he waited patiently for the system to boot, taking in his new abode.

Rather large for a log cabin, it was plenty spacious for Warren and the possessions he had begun to accumulate. It was also quite luxurious compared to what he'd expected, boasting running water and basic electricity from a nearby river. It was split into four sections: a bathroom, a kitchen, a bedroom, and a guest area. Many of Ooo's residents assisted in its construction, and Warren had to admit they had done a fine job. Although Raven Rock would have been a more natural choice, distance factors, mutant rat infestation, and extensive damage to the facility made it a good place to scavenge, but not to live.

With a cheesy little tune, the computer signaled its successful start. Opening the file directory to the data drive, Warren was met with a familiar warning message.

"Property of the DoD, may contain classified information, viewing without clearance will result in court-martial, blah blah blah," he muttered to himself sarcastically. After a few moments, the warning cleared and allowed him to access the files. Whatever information was stored here before, it appeared to have been wiped. In its place was a peculiarly named file directory.

**:3(SCI)~**

"Ooh, you clever creature," he whispered. The little candy rodent must have hacked it.

With great anticipation, Warren opened the directory. A massive sea of topic-sorted folders began to load, audibly straining the computer. His eyes darted over the names, scanning the information, trying to determine where to begin. Communications, Intelligence, Manifests, Security, Personal… Warren now knew what he had been given. This was Princess Bubblegum's computer data.

It couldn't have been anywhere near all of it, given the size of the drive, but it was substantial. Warren chose "Security" at random and spent hours combing through the information. His findings were unsettling, to say the least. There were thousands of CCTV cameras active in the Kingdom on 24 hour surveillance and recording, even inside people's homes. Every Candy Person and even Finn was tagged with a police-grade RFID tracking system. There were security profiles on every citizen. One of them, a Cinnamon Bun, had apparently emigrated to the Fire Kingdom and this alone was enough to earn him a high-threat status. Apparently were it not for the protection of Flame Princess, he was to be placed under house arrest if he ever returned.

Manifests revealed that Princess Bubblegum possessed way more pre-war knowledge than Warren ever would have guessed. Over the years she had raided residences, libraries, museums, airports, police departments, National Guard armories, naval installations, a former NATO holding depot, and of course, Raven Rock. Books, blueprints, artifacts, tech samples, weapons, vehicles… she had it all.

Intelligence was next. Here there were profiles of every kingdom and their rulers and major players, as well as miscellaneous data on various groups and threats. There was little encouraging here, either. Flame Princess' profile contained lab notes. Apparently Bubblegum had run experiments on her as a baby, studying elemental stability. The Veritas Brigade was classified as a low-threat seditious organization. Apparently the only reasons its members had not been targeted for imprisonment was their lack of solid data, Bubblegum's favor for some of its members, and her personal amusement at the group's meetings and theories. Particularly disturbing were the reports on an experimental creature: moniker Goliad.

Warren was shocked. He had known and accepted that the Candy Kingdom was an unconstitutional monarchy, and that Bubblegum was very powerful. Now that he knew just how powerful she was, however, it unsettled him greatly. This was absolute power on a scale unmatched since the days of Louis XIV of France, Charles II and Oliver Cromwell of Great Britain, the Czars of old Russia, or the fascists of mid-twentieth century Germany and Italy. And this formed the model of society for all of Ooo. He ran his hands through his hair, breathing heavily.

These revelations had hit Warren on a very personal level. He had little reason to doubt Bubblegum's benevolence, but these methods struck him as extreme and unconscionable under any circumstances. Maybe Bubblegum really did what she did for the sake of her people and nothing else, but what about the likes of Goliad, Lemongrab, or some of these other rulers? Benevolent or not, it was oppressive by nature and therefore the state of a tyrant. It was contrary to everything he'd stood for, that he'd fought and even killed for on the battlefields of World War III. The concept of government of the people, by the people, and for the people seemed to have indeed perished from the Earth. And yet these kingdoms were prospering. Was this just the way things had to be in this new age? Were his ideals simply a relic of a bygone era? If so, could he live with that?

With some hesitation, he called up the personal folder. Inside, there was a subfolder bearing his name. Opening it, he found a series of audio files and accompanying text transcripts. Intrigued, he set them to play in order. It was a lengthy but educational experience, covering his discovery to the last entry dated two days ago. Certain bits of it stood out in his mind as he listened.

"My speculations were confirmed. Energy field surrounding Subject 8492 is temporal. Re-animation of subject is possible but high-risk. See medical notes 27-7364 for details. *sigh* I wish I could say that the potential medical complications were my only concern, but… there are too many unknowns regarding subject's temperament, beliefs, reactions to what's happened to his world; unknowns that might be dangerous to my Kingdom and its people. Though its safety is paramount to me, I'm not sure I could justify denying Finn's request after all he's done for us. I've reluctantly left the decision to him. The situation is delicate, but I'll be prepared…"

"Captain Warren is making considerable progress, both in physical recovery and mental adjustment. Initial impressions are promising, but continued close monitoring is still required. He and Finn seem to be getting along well. I'm happy for him, but this puts me in a difficult situation should I be required to take action against the Captain. I just hope it doesn't have to come to that…"

"Captain Warren came to the defense of the Kingdom today. While the incident served to highlight the potential benefits of the decision to bring him back, it also highlighted the potential hazard. He's managed the restoration high-class weaponry in an alarmingly short time period. This alone is cause for concern, but combined with his obvious enduring loyalties to Old World values and institutions, it is a danger I cannot ignore. As it would be a tremendous waste to abandon the potential good that can come of his cooperation, my course is clear. I must gain his loyalty…"

"I've made a few subtle choice alterations to my appearance for this operation. I'm still getting used to the new weight distribution, but preliminary analysis suggests they are mildly effective at minimum. Establishing common ground has proven far easier than initially expected. His company is actually quite enjoyable and I'm impressed with his knowledge and intellect for someone so… young. In conclusion, the plan is proceeding smoothly, but I can't afford to get complacent now…"

"Despite my better judgment, I find myself becoming closer to Gary. He's not what I expected from an American military officer. If I can just keep things in check, I may well come out of this with an invaluable ally and a good friend. I'm getting close, but I worry that this situation with Lemongrab could cause some serious problems if Gary sympathizes with the rebels. I have to do my best to keep him away from the situation until I'm sure he sees things my way. To that end, after much thought and consideration, I've decided it's time to show him the book…"

Despite all the information he'd just absorbed, Warren found himself drawn to the Lemon situation. Rapidly returning to the Intelligence section, he called up the Lemon Earldom's profile. He read about its history and the schism between its people. If this information was up to date, there was an ongoing military operation running right now. This gave Warren pause. So someone was dissatisfied with the state of affairs, after all.

The question that now loomed before him was what exactly he was going to do with all of this information. If he confronted Bubblegum or let on too much of what he had learned, she'd know that he'd viewed her stolen files. That could be bad both for him and the Veritas Brigade. He considered taking no action, going with the flow. But he couldn't bring himself to accept it. Warren was a man of action, fiercely devoted to his sense of morality and justice. No, those Lemon People needed an advocate, and they would have one.


	16. Powder Keg

Chapter Fifteen: Powder Keg

Princess Bubblegum never liked visiting the Lemon Earldom. It wasn't just the fact that the air itself tasted so sour, that the atmosphere was dull and depressing, or even the inevitable headache from having to deal with its loud and generally unpleasant ruler. For PB, the Lemon Earldom had a more personal touch. It was a physical manifestation of her failures: her failures to create an heir, her failures to help Lemongrab, and her failures to her own ethics. It wasn't that she ignored the plights of the Lemon People; it was that she simply had to accept hard reason. The cost in lives and money was simply too great to justify more radical action. As much as she found it unfortunate, it was objectively better to let the smaller injustices go for the sake of stability.

Well, long term stability anyway. This situation was about as far from stable as it got, but at least it was holding itself together for now. Bubblegum's appeal to the Grand Council was in process, and proceeding more quickly than she had feared. The rebels had been pretty quiet since the arrival of the Candy troops. So long as she kept enough control over the situation, this whole operation could be kept quiet, quick, and minimally violent. The plan was simple: a trap for the Lemon Separatists leaders. Lemongrab lent his full support to the operation, eager to go on the offensive and re-establish dominance of his domain. Unbeknownst to him, however, the prisoners would have a little chat with Princess Bubblegum before being turned over to the Earl. If said chat was successful, she had a chance to force both sides to the negotiating table. If she failed, she would have leverage to stall out the campaign until the Grand Council's decision. PB was hoping for the best today, but she was all too aware of that ancient saying about the best laid plans.

Sighing, she opened the curtains covering her window to take a look outside her carriage. The cotton candy forest had never looked so foreboding as it had these past few days. Searches to locate the James abomination had turned up nothing. It couldn't have been simply due to the incompetence of her forces, either. Even the Banana Guards now had a 100% accuracy rate when asked to identify a depiction of a goo monster, photographic or artistic. Finn, Jake, Warren, and Bubblegum herself had conducted searches as well. Jake could smell no trace, Finn's sharp eyes and outdoor skills could find no sign of a trail to track, and even Warren's radiological approach could not detect so much as a clue to its whereabouts. All Candy and Lemon forces were on heightened alert, however, and conducted regular patrols of the roadways. When civilians had questioned the purpose of these patrols, they were told that they were to provide protection from an elusive group of bandits.

They passed the edge of the forest and Bubblegum took a final look over of her appearance. Everything from her tunic buttons to the golden sash to her shiny violet boots was immaculate. Military dress was never her style of choice, but protocol was protocol. The carriage came to a halt just outside the Earldom walls. The door was opened from the outside for her and Peppermint Butler offered his hand to escort her off. A gruff Lemon officer stood ready as her escort. Delicately stepping out of the carriage, she dismissed Peppermint Butler and approached the Lemon Person. He was wearing a military uniform. Bubblegum eyed his medals. She noted they mainly consisted of awards such as "Obedience Medal", "Loyal Slave", and the like. A very large and ornate medal on a ribbon necklace depicted Lemongrab and bearing only the word "Acceptable".

"The Earl is expecting you!" he announced.

He escorted her to Lemongrab's makeshift War Room. The Earl was there, looking over some maps. Everyone but Bubblegum was armed.

"Announcing the arrival of Princess Bubblegum, Your Excellency!" the officer yelled.

"Dismissed," Lemongrab said curtly, hardly acknowledging them. The officer bowed and left the room with great speed. "My forces are ready. Yours better be as well."

"Not to worry, Lemongrab," she said politely, ignoring his rudeness. "Everything's under control."

A creepy smile formed across the Earl's face, sending a slight chill through Bubblegum's nervous system. Why had she given him such sharp teeth?

A beeping sound drew her attention. Her RFID tracker had just picked up a new signal entering the area.

* * *

Warren surveyed the area with his binoculars. The anti-reflection caps limited his field of vision somewhat, but they were necessary. Bubblegum had warned him the Earl of Lemongrab kept a rather strict border security policy. Having to answer to her would be the least of his worries if he was caught, as the intelligence file indicated the encounter with Lemongrab wouldn't be pretty to say the least. He had only his battle uniform's camouflage and his skills to keep him hidden. Hot as they were, he still wished he'd had an old school ghillie suit.

The rebels would undoubtedly be well-hidden, but Warren knew a thing or two about this kind of war. When the tactical nukes started flying in the world's hotspots, things got truly ugly. Armies from resource-starved countries all over the world would swoop in on the remains. First was a brawl for dominance. Five-way conflicts between national armies were not uncommon. Add in the factions of survivors, pirates, mercenaries, and the battlefield quickly became a very confusing and lethal environment. Asymmetric warfare meant insurgency and even terrorism were often the only way the actual local population could compete against the foreign occupiers. America had been on both sides of the coin throughout it all, aiding some resistance and insurgent groups and suppressing others in a desperate attempt to maintain some semblance of world order. It wasn't an easy task.

Some factions were even so desperate for the resources that they'd send their troops and resource teams into critically irradiated zones. All of them would be dead within a week, but they'd manage to haul off a decent amount of resources and salvage, so they kept at it. The whole affair reminded him of all the different scavengers coming to feed on carrion: from the dogs and birds, to the ants and maggots, down to the bacteria and the fungus. It made him sick, especially just before the very end when the US itself began stooping to similar albeit less extreme measures. Warren cursed himself for getting off track. The memories of the war certainly weren't going anywhere anytime soon and they'd have plenty of time to haunt him when the mission was over.

He'd seen all he could from here. It was time to move. Relatively certain that no-one was watching, he nevertheless kept low to the ground and darted through patches of tall grass to reach a new position. And so it had gone for most of the morning. As the sun climbed to the center of the sky, Warren reviewed his progress. He'd only managed to recon a small portion of his intended search zone. Warren knew that locating the rebels could be a multi-day affair going in, but he felt slightly frustrated nonetheless. Time was of the essence; the intelligence suggested Bubblegum was trying to end this quick. In addition, if he spent too much time searching, people would notice his absence and she would know something was up.

A large boulder seemed to be the next ideal point of cover. Darting over to it, he took position, resting a hand against it for balance. It shifted. Visually, it looked exactly like rock, but this was no rock at all. It was a set piece. This was promising. Warren carefully lifted the bottom up to look underneath. He had a winner. Under the rock was a large hole with a wooden ladder propped up in it. Carefully, he worked his way in, replacing the false boulder above him.

It was pitch black and somewhat damp. He climbed down the ladder carefully, but didn't activate his flashlight. He didn't want to be seen just yet. Reaching the bottom, he felt around to get his bearings. Some night vision would have been nice, but R7's armory wasn't in the best shape. He was lucky to find all the equipment he had already. Creeping slowly through the tunnel, he eventually came to an opening. A low moan stopped him in his tracks. Reaching for his flashlight, he carefully flicked it on. The area was small, and smack in the center was a wooden stool. Curled up atop it with its back turned to him was a tiny lemon creature.

The moaning grew into a howling which drew steadily louder and increased in pitch as the small creature rotated its head 180 degrees in reverse to face him without moving its body. It was unbelievable; that ghastly noise was coming from that tiny thing. Putting his hands up to show he was unarmed, he futilely attempted to calm the screaming creature. The skin from its head began to peel from the top, exposing its squishy lemon innards and bulging green eyes. It was like something out of a surreal nightmare, and Warren began to tremble in fear. Distracted by the wailing creature, he didn't notice the sounds of approaching footfalls until the guards had arrived.

With their arrival, the wailing ceased. These had to be rebels. They did not wear the uniforms of the Lemon military. It wasn't too much of a problem that he'd been detected; he was here to talk after all. They unsheathed unusual looking swords and pointed them directly at Warren. Actually, they looked more like tuning forks than swords.

"Intruder!"

He took a deep breath. Now for the hard part…

* * *

Bubblegum kept a close eye on the RFID tracker as the operation unfolded. The signal was weak and she could only get a general direction, nothing concrete. It was coming from the west, so it wasn't impossible for it to be coming from a stray Banana Guard patrol on the border. She hoped that was the case, anyway. She wanted to check it out but this stage of the operation would be critical, and Lemongrab could not be trusted to stick to the plan without her supervision.

It was time to begin. Activating her communicator pendant, the minty assistant appeared at the ready immediately.

"Peppermint Butler, is everything good to go on your end?"

"Yes, your highness," he said, smartly.

"Activate the ground penetrating radar system."

There was no way the rebels were hiding on the surface. Though there were patches of dense vegetation, hills, and other such places to hide for a short time, the rebels' numbers were too great for anything long term. Lemongrab, paranoid as he was, originally thought they had escaped the Earldom and hid somewhere in the Candy Kingdom. Then again, perhaps he didn't after all. He'd proven more resourceful than she'd anticipated in recent weeks and the accusations could have been his way of trying to pressure Bubblegum into helping. In either case, they would need to obtain a complete picture of the network if the trap was to have any chance of success.

To that end, Bubblegum had brought a little something out of her tech archives. Before the Mushroom War, resources themselves were actually quite plentiful. The problem was that much of the resource gathering infrastructure of the human race had either been destroyed by conflicts or long-standing economic troubles prohibited their renovation and growth to the levels needed to sustain the demands of the ever increasing human population. People started getting desperate. During this time, a drilling company in a nation called Canada had developed incredibly advanced survey systems designed to be portable and operable in extreme conditions in the northern wilderness. Bubblegum had the fortune of locating a complete set on a tech expedition about 350 years ago.

The Earl breathed heavily behind her. He was anxious for the capture. One more hour and they'd have their data. Then the strike would begin.


	17. Flash Point

Chapter Sixteen: Flash Point

The trip from the entrance of the underground was awkward and stressful, but also mercifully short. The Lemon guards did not confiscate any of his equipment, which Warren found both personally relieving but also somewhat troubling. Though he had chosen to come unarmed as a sign of good faith, he shuddered to think of the damage he could have done to these people if he were indeed hostile. If his alliance proposal was received warmly, he'd have a thing or two to teach these people about security. The guards brought him into a small room with a table and some chairs.

"Sit!" one of them barked in a shrill voice, pointing to the chair at the far end of the table. Despite its pitch, its tone was actually quite firm and commanding. Warren did as he was told. Two of the guards remained standing flanking him, and the guard who appeared to be in charge took a seat on the opposite side of the table. "Explain," he said simply.

"Uh, my name is Gary Warren. I have come in peace," Warren said, cautiously. The lemon guard stared at him in silence, unblinking. "I came into possession of some information regarding your situation here. I sympathize with your cause, and wish to offer my assistance." Still no sign of recognition from the guard. His stare was uncanny. "Umm, I was thinking maybe I could answer any questions you might have for me and perhaps we could work from there." The guard's stare remained fixed. "So, um, was there anything in particular you wanted to know?"

"You are human," the guard said flatly, without adjusting his gaze.

"Yes," Warren replied, unsure of where this was going but mildly thankful for any kind of response.

"We know of only one other human. He serves the candy princess. Whom do you serve?"

Warren thought his answer over for a moment.

"I serve no one, rather I grant my services to an ancient ideal. I follow the ideal that all intelligent life is created equal; that every person possesses the inalienable rights to life, liberty, and property. I believe in the rule of law, not of powerful individuals. This is my conviction. Once there were many who believed as I do. We made it our sworn duty to protect these ideals from those enemies who would seek to destroy them, both foreign and domestic. I'm all that's left now, but perhaps not for much longer. Was I wrong to come here?"

The lemon guard sat in what appeared to be contemplative silence. Though the expression on his face had changed, he still hadn't blinked. Warren's eyes began to burn in empathy. After several seconds of awkward silence, he finally softened his gaze and blinked.

"If what you say is true, then you may indeed have found friends here. But our "father" and the candy princess have taught us that words alone carry little meaning." There was disdain in the emphasis he placed on his parent.

"What must I do?" Warren asked, determinedly.

"I think we still have a lot to talk about for now. You may call me Citron. I lead the Free Lemons. You say you know of our struggle. What have you heard?" He folded his hands.

"About four years ago you all were created by the Earl of Lemongrab and his clone brother Lemongrab 2. They gained the knowledge to do so from an oversight on the part of Princess Bubblegum, who forgot a very important document in the Lemongrabs' pantry. Empowered with the miracle of life, but lacking the wisdom to wield it, your parents obsessively created your entire population without the means to care for you, leading to famine and the sacrificial death of your brother Lemonjon. My condolences. Thus, even from the beginning your entire existence was defined by the shortcomings of absolute power. The records go relatively dark for a time afterwards until a visit by Princess Bubblegum and Finn the Human. I found their observations highly disturbing, to say the least. The Earl, consumed by greed and corruption, intentionally starved you, enslaved you, and used you for his own perverse entertainment. When Lemongrab 2 objected, he was consumed. However, a child by the name of Lemonhope was rescued from the castle. Conditions in the Lemon Earldom reached an all-time low following his departure. The conditions described in the report were all too familiar, bearing remarkable similarities to an old enemy of my country in the Old World. It turned my stomach in disgust. Bubblegum, not unsympathetic to your plight, was nevertheless too hamstrung by the politics of maintaining her own power to aid you directly, and attempted to groom Lemonhope to be your shadow savior. While certainly an ideal seed for liberty, he lacked the maturity and experience to fulfill his assigned destiny. After a personal journey and under the more subtle influence of the candy princess, he came to realize the responsibilities that came with freedom, and returned to fulfill the obligations to his conscience." Warren smiled in memory and began to sing. "_The Minstrel Boy to the war has gone, in the ranks of death you will find him. His father's sword he hath girded on and his wild harp slung behind him. 'Land of song,' said the warrior bard, 'though all the world betrays thee! One sword at least thy right shall guard, one faithful harp shall praise thee.'"_ Without missing a beat, he resumed the tale immediately upon completion. "Now, this is where things get interesting. When Lemongrabs 1 and 2 died in the resulting confrontation, Bubblegum could have done any number of things to improve your conditions here, but she chose to rebuild the Lemongrabs into one, and place Lemonhope here as her agent of sorts to help him become a kinder being. But he refused. See, Bubblegum thinks this was a failure on her part to teach him proper responsibility. But take a closer look at the whole situation. She had all the options in the world available to her, and she chose the compromise. Maintain the status quo and keep the power in the hands of an obviously incompetent, arbitrarily chosen individual. But she'd have her student there to keep it benevolent and conscionable. If you ask me, this would have made Lemonhope a political puppet by implication. He chose the call to freedom, and in so doing inspired a good chunk of the people down here today. Sound about right to you?"

Citron smiled.

"Oh, my friend, I think we're going to get along just fine. I will be most eager to see if your actions speak as fiercely as your words."

A lemon person burst into the room, out of breath.

"Citron! A combined force of Candy and Lemon soldiers are leaving the castle!" he shrieked.

Warren took a deep breath. It was looking like he might get the chance to speak through his actions real soon.

* * *

Princess Bubblegum stood on the castle rampart overlooking the massing troops. Lemongrab stood beside her, looking antsy.

"Mrrrrnnn. Why must we waste time with this ruse?"

"First of all, Lemongrab, we're not wasting any time. We still don't have a full picture of the underground tunnels yet. Without that, even if we found an entrance and stormed it, the rebels could escape through tunnels we don't know about. Second, the entire purpose and legal justification for this action hinges on taking them alive. I want results out of this, not pulp and juice."

Bubblegum was irritated. Her patience with the Earl was wearing thin. One way or another, this was the last time he was going to put her in a situation like this. That unknown RFID signature was stressing her out, too. She had ruled out errant patrol, but there was still the possibility one of her guards had been captured by the enemy. That would complicate things if the operation was to succeed. Alternatively, it meant someone she didn't want here had come anyway. But who? There were too many possible options, none of them good, but some were worse than others.

"It's time," she said aloud to no one in particular before reaching for her communicator. "Peps, we all hooked up here?"

"Everything is prepared, Your Highness," said the little holographic representation of the mint.

"Showtime, Lemongrab. Mind your manners and stick to the plan."

* * *

Down in the underground tunnels, Warren stood beside Citron in a larger room than the one his interrogation had taken place in. Maps, miscellaneous radios, and other clutter filled the room, and an old periscope from a pre-war submarine was mounted in the center. Given the Cyrillic labeling, it had probably come from a Russian sub. Warren was quite curious as to how they got it installed down here, but his questions would have to wait.

Citron stood on a stool and peered through the viewer. The room began to fill with lemon people of various shapes and sizes, who took positions at the radios. It was all very quiet, and it almost felt like a scene from an old submarine drama. Warren couldn't contain himself any longer. Lightly tapping Citron on the shoulder, he whispered into his ear.

"This is pretty organized, but it's a little strange. Who taught you guys how to set all this up?"

"We received no formal education in the Earldom, so our knowledge was… limited. I used to be the information minister, so I got a lot more exposure to outside information than most. I based our setup here on old books and movies I had to censor for the Earl. It has worked well so far."

So that was why. This whole setup _was_ based on a movie.

"I used to be military, you know. I think I can teach you guys a thing or two to be more effective."

Citron said nothing. Something must have caught his attention. Suddenly, a loud voice echoed throughout the caves.

"Attention, citizens of the Lemon Earldom. This is the Earl of Lemongrab. Due to pressing circumstances, I have been forced - OW! – Nnnngh, I have _agreed_ to mediation of our great family's conflict by the honorable Princess Bubblegum of the Candy Kingdom."

Another voice Warren recognized as Bubblegum's followed.

"That's right, everyone. I know the past months have been difficult, but the Earl and I have worked hard to reach a solution that will benefit everyone. We wish to meet with one or more representatives of the Free Lemons to discuss specific terms. As a gesture of good faith, I have ordered the temporary demilitarization of the Lemon Earldom for the talks."

"I, Lemongrab, support the Princess' actions. All Royal Lemon Army assets will be placed in Candy Kingdom Defense Forces custody for twelve hours." He sounded pained.

Citron's mouth gaped as he looked through the periscope.

"What is it?" Warren asked. "What's going on up there?"

"They're turning over their sound swords to the Banana Guards and locking them up in the patrol outposts outside the Castle." Citron whispered. Bubblegum continued speaking in the background.

"It's time to build a better future for all Lemonkind. Please, come out of the shadows. Let us come together once more, for together we are strong! This offer will stand for twelve hours. I have confidence you'll make the right decision."

Warren's combat senses weren't tingling, they were on fire. Something was very wrong with this situation. It certainly wasn't in character for the Earl, and based on what he knew about her so far Bubblegum was the type to negotiate only from a position of strength.

"Citron, call it a hunch, but I think you are all in serious danger," he said, urgently.

"What? But they just-"

"I know. I think it's a trap. Actions speak louder than words right? Let me go investigate."

Citron groaned. It was many moments before he spoke.

"I really shouldn't do this, but something tells me you are genuine. I'm putting a lot of trust in you. Please be worth it."

"Then take this," Warren said, handing Citron a receiver for a radio. "And pray I'm wrong."

* * *

Bubblegum's timing was perfect. She was halfway through her short speech when the mapping data completed. The resistance's tunnels were more extensive and intricate than she'd anticipated, but fortunately had few entrances and exits. She'd brought more than enough of her little toys for the operation.

Also included in the geological survey kits were self-burrowing probes. These would have been little use on their own, but Bubblegum had made a few… modifications. A land-propulsion system allowed them to walk on small spider legs to a pre-programmed set of coordinates. The sensor equipment had been adjusted to locate signs of life rather than gases and mineral compositions, and the big adjustment: all were packed to the brim with Composition 12 explosives.

The charges would burrow down to weak points in the tunnel network, and if the Lemon rebels tried to bug out on them, the sensors would detect the approaching life forms and notify Bubblegum directly. She would then detonate the C12, collapsing the tunnels and sealing them in. Then the ground forces would move in. They hadn't really surrendered their weapons, either, of course. The swords in the patrol camps were fakes. If the rebels tried to launch an attack, they'd find the Lemon military more than ready to handle them. She hoped it wouldn't come to that, however.

She took a deep breath as she completed programming the coordinates. With a beep, the little bombs sprang to life and scuttled out of the castle into the grass…

* * *

Citron paced anxiously in the makeshift command center. He had a strong feeling the human soldier could be trusted, but was he really risking the entire resistance on a feeling? It had to be something more. He busied himself with emergency evacuation planning should the worst come to pass. There was a tunnel that could take them out of the Earldom and into the Grass Lands. Minutes passed with silence from the radio the man had given him. Citron began to worry. It was over twenty minutes before the sounds of the man's voice crackled through the speaker.

"Free Lemon HQ! Do you read me, over?" He was whispering.

"We're here. What did you find?"

"All the weapons in this outpost are cardboard! I think they're decoys!" Citron's stomach turned at the report. "I'll bring some back for evidence, over."

"How did you get past the Banana Guards?" Citron asked, curious.

"They'll be bruised for a while, but they'll live," the human said casually. "I'm on my way back now. Stand by, going radio silent, out."

It was only five minutes before the man returned in physical form. He must spent some time subduing the guards.

"Got a present for you," he said sarcastically, tossing the swords to him.

Sure enough, the swords he was given were cardboard replicas.

"Why would they go through all that trouble to trick us?" Citron asked.

"I don't know, but I don't like it. We need to get out of here. They've almost certainly got a plan B."

Citron couldn't argue with the evidence in front of him. He gave the evacuation order.

* * *

Bubblegum monitored the explosive status indicator. All the bombs were in place. Lemongrab paced anxiously behind her. Her RFID tracker beeped. Whoever it was, they were on the move!

Tracking the RFID signal and monitoring the exits simultaneously, it soon became clear that it was getting closer and closer to one of the bombs.

"Lemongrab, get your forces in attack position."

"_Don't you do it… Don't you Glob globbing do it…_" The bomb sensor beeped. Multiple life signs detected heading for the tunnel exit into the Grass Lands. "_Verdammt!_"

A push of a button, an electronic whine, then…

***BOOM***


	18. The Great Escape

Chapter Seventeen: The Great Escape

The dust began to settle, and Warren was one of the first back on his feet. Doubled over with his hands on his knees, he coughed several times before feeling well enough to speak.

"Everyone alright!?" he called behind him. His voice echoed slightly in his head, a dull ringing accompanying every syllable. A chorus of moaning and groaning suggested that most of them had at least survived.

"What was that!?" Citron wheezed.

"Explosives!" Warren replied, looking toward the source. "Ahh, shit!" The tunnel had collapsed. Their primary escape route had been cut off. "Tell me there's another way out of here!"

Citron stumbled his way next to Warren and surveyed the damage. He looked worried, but not panicked. That was good. Calm leaders were more effective in emergencies.

The voice of the Princess echoed through the tunnels once again.

"It saddens me for it to come to this, but you've left me no choice. We have complete knowledge of your tunnel networks. All your exits have been cut off. You're trapped and surrounded. Candy and Lemon forces are launching a rescue effort now. Come peacefully and you will not be harmed. Please, I beg you; don't do anything we'll all regret! It's still not too late to make this a day of hope!"

Warren put the pieces together in his head. He had to admit, her strategy was solid. If the rebels negotiated, Bubblegum would get her way and they'd be folded back into the Earldom. If they stormed the castle, they'd be slaughtered. If they tried to run, well, THIS happens. No matter what happens, the standoff ends today. It was calculated, intelligent. Despite being on the opposite end of the gun, so to speak, Warren couldn't help but feel his respect for the Princess rise somewhat. And there was wisdom in it, too. Offer one hand, but arm the other. Deterrence and intimidation tactics, but with a nice sugar-coated alternative. It was the best way to force a surrender and prevent bloodshed. She really was being genuine in that regard. Of course, she still took quite the risk. If the rebels chose to fight anyway, it would be a massacre.

"Tactical assessment: bad - combat inadvisable. But it's not my call. You lead these people, Citron. What's our plan?" Warren said heavily.

To his surprise, Citron appeared far less fazed than Warren expected he would be. Purposefully looking Warren in the eye, he dusted off his clothing.

"I think it's time to reveal our secret weapon."

* * *

The Lemon military forces poured out of the castle and formed up with frightening efficiency. Even the Banana Guards were assembling uncharacteristically efficiently. Bubblegum knew exactly where she was deploying her forces, and she would lead them there personally. Lemongrab was more of an armchair commander, though, so he would be remaining at the castle until everything was secure. Bubblegum left him a spare communicator so they could coordinate.

Peppermint Butler patched in a report.

"Guard squads reporting for general mobilization. No contact from outpost four, Your Highness."

"Thank you, Peppermint Butler." She switched to the other communicator. "Lemongrab, send a small team of your troops to outpost four. Have the rest detailed to me."

"Yes, mother," the Earl responded sourly. He never did work well with others. He probably resented not having supreme command.

Bubblegum marched with a sense of urgency and purpose to her mount, the gummy horse that had pulled the carriage here, but was now detached for speed. With swift and elegant motion, she mounted the horse and took off at full speed for the rendezvous point at outpost two. From there, she would lead the Banana Guards and Lemongrab's forces to the explosion point over the escape tunnel where she was getting the RFID reading. Her bubblegum heart raced and her senses were sharp as knives. She was going to need a big cup of chamomile tea when this was over.

Arriving at outpost two, she looked over her forces. To her annoyance, they appeared nervous and jumpy.

"Report!" she barked at the banana officer in charge.

"The guys from outpost four haven't showed up and they're not responding to the radio," he said nervously. "The boys are scared they were attacked by the enemy. They don't want to go."

"Captain, the sooner we get this over with, the sooner we all go home. You're soldiers. Act like it and carry out your duty! Follow me." The Banana Guards rarely saw the princess stressed or angry, and they tended to shape up somewhat when she was.

"But Princess, shouldn't we see if the guys at outpost four are okay?"

"Never mind them. Lemongrab's sending people to check on them."

The Banana Captain didn't seem particularly comforted, but nevertheless was able to get his troops moving. The Lemon forces weren't far behind. Bubblegum knew that those tunnels wouldn't have enough oxygen for more than a few hours, but with all available Banana Guards and the bulk of Lemongrab's troops, they'd have them dug out long before that.

* * *

Finn hung up the phone. He'd been considering Jake's advice on his concerns over Bubblegum and Gary. He just wasn't getting anywhere on his own. He had a feeling he knew where the missing elements were, but he'd have to open The Vault to access them. Finn was brave, but even he didn't feel up to the challenges of taking on anything that lurked in there alone. Maybe he did need to talk it over with them. It just seemed paranoid and weird, though. What was he going to say? At any rate, it was a moot point for now, since neither Bubblegum nor the Captain was answering their phones. Jake had also said to socialize, too, hadn't he? Maybe Marceline or Flame Princess could help him out.

He mulled over this idea for a bit. Marceline was wise. The experience of a thousand years of "life" must do that to a person. Plus, she knew Bubblegum quite well. The thing was, there was something about Marceline that made Finn feel uncomfortable in discussing some of the matters of the heart. He felt like she could see through him, and it made him feel shame. Flame Princess was honest and caring. She'd forgiven Finn for his transgressions long ago, and the friendship component of the two was stronger than ever before, but Finn never quite forgave himself for hurting her romantically. It hung over him whenever they met. He could ignore it if he focused on their friendship, but he'd purposefully avoided any mention of his feelings or the subject of romance in general. Deep down he worried his feelings might be latent feelings for his childhood crush, and if so, he really didn't want to go there with her.

Deep down he knew he needed help from someone. Last time he cleared an item from the vault it had been painful and traumatic, but it had worked out for the better. Taking a deep breath, he made up his mind and reached for the phone.

* * *

Warren hadn't quite decided yet whether or not he could believe what he was seeing. By Old World standards it was impossible, of course. But just what was and was not impossible in this New World? Perhaps it would be best to ponder this another time though. He was being addressed.

"Captain? Hello?" Citron poked him.

"Sorry. It's… impressive," he managed to get out.

The creature before him was quite large, about the size of a pre-war grizzly bear. Warren might have likened its appearance to a mole, were it not for the fact that it was covered in thick, chitinous armored plating.

"She's been a real help to us. We call her Sweetie," Citron noted proudly.

"What exactly is 'Sweetie' going to do for us?" Warren questioned lightly.

"She built these tunnels," Citron began to explain. "She looks fearsome, but she's actually quite gentle. Smart, too. She's sort of become our pet. We feed her and she builds and maintains the tunnels for us."

"How do you know it's a she?" Warren asked.

"We, um, don't. But we just have a feeling because she's so cute!" Citron exclaimed, hugging the creature.

Cute was not the word Warren would have used to describe it, but remained silent as Citron worked with the creature. He produced a large sugar cube from a bag and the creature went rigid. He pointed to the direction of the collapse, gave it a command to dig, and it was off like a shot. It was like watching a human and a dog back in the days before they apparently became sentient. Its speed was incredible.

"Wow." Warren said blandly.

"She'll probably have the tunnel repaired in about twenty minutes. From there, it's a straight shot to the Grass Lands."

"It's a decent plan. I guess the race is on, then. Just hope those hostiles topside are slow diggers."

* * *

Bubblegum was even personally assisting the digging effort. Time was of the essence, and that RFID signature was just below her now. Every foot uncovered and it got stronger and stronger. Soon she would uncover the mysterious interloper.

And then, the signal began to fade. At least, that's what it seemed like at first. Realization dawned on her. There were two signals! One remained stationary below her and the other began to fade towards the direction of the Grass Lands.

"Continue digging!" she ordered her men as she mounted her gummy horse.

Spurring it on as fast as it would go, she followed the direction of the signal onward. And then, she was foiled by geography. A large patch of mud in a valley between hills bogged the horse down. It was just enough time for the signal to go dark completely.

Frustrated, she spurred the horse back towards the Earldom. She still had a lead there, at least.

* * *

Lemongrab's men had cleared the tunnel completely. Despite the failure of the operation, he was gleeful for at least one small detail. They had found a survivor. The Earl stood tall over his capture, peering down at him with a hungry gleam in his eyes.

"Seed-Wad. You've been a naughty son."

The small, animate wad of candy seeds stared defiantly back at its creator, but said nothing. Lemongrab felt his mouth beginning to moisten. He did not feel the craving as often as his predecessor, but every now and then Lemongrab would catch himself thinking the forbidden thoughts. A part of him knew it was wrong, but at times like this the voice of reason began to quiet. Lemongrab felt his teeth grinding together as he struggled to fight the urge to devour the rebellious traitor here and now. Bubblegum had forbidden it, he reminded himself: But she wasn't here now. His other children were watching: This would make a fine example of what happens to traitors.

"Your Excellency," a Lemon officer began shakily before being silenced by Lemongrab's hard shove backward.

Yes. A special treat…

Chunks of Earth dropped from the ceiling a few feet from where he stood. The fading dusk sunlight shone through the new hole in the ceiling and a figure dropped in.

"Lemongrab!"

The hunger faded instantly at the sound of his mother's voice. Instead it was replaced by rage.

"This is YOUR FAULT!" he shrieked. "YOU WASTED TIME WITH YOUR 'NEGOTIATIONS'! THEY ESCAPED BECAUSE OF YYYYYOOOOOOOOUUUUUU! NO MOOOORE!"

Bubblegum simply glared at him. There was no point in trying to calm him now. She should know. She made him.

* * *

"This is where we go our separate ways for now, friend," Warren said as the group approached the vegetation where he had hidden his Humvee.

"You really came through for us back there. You are welcome among us anytime," Citron said humbly.

"You came through for me, too. I'm sorry about your man Seed-Wad," Warren hung his head with guilt. "I wish there were some way I could repay you." Citron patted him on the shoulder in reassurance. "So what will you do now?"

"There are still those at Castle Lemongrab who need our help. We'll get a new hiding place and do what we can for them. We should all probably lay low for a while, but I can't wait until our next adventure. Until then, farewell."

"Farewell."

The two shook hands and turned their backs to each other. It was a touching moment for Warren. Until…

"Actually, hold on!" Warren exclaimed. "I think I know just the place for you guys!"

* * *

PLEASE READ: So who do you all want to see Finn pour his soul into? Also, now that I've got a few more readers, do you want any romance in this story? Thanks for your continued support!


	19. Calm Before the Storm

Chapter Eighteen: Calm Before the Storm

Bubblegum sat in her tea room with Warren. The atmosphere was heavier than usual. As much as she wanted to, she could not share what was bothering her with him.

It hadn't been easy getting Lemongrab to release Seed-Wad into her custody. He had been furious and disagreeable to compromise ever since the failed rebel capture. But even he couldn't ignore established law, and Bubblegum had managed herself a nice move in that department. Seed-Wad was created by the Lemongrabs using candy life formula Bubblegum had created, and from candy seeds. She had granted Lemongrab the right to rule the Lemon People, but there was little besides his birthplace that made Seed-Wad "Lemon". Despite more outrage and tantrum throwing, Seed-Wad was technically under Candy Kingdom asylum pending a citizenship review from the Grand Council. Not that he had it any easier here, though.

The interrogation of Seed-Wad was an unpleasant affair for both parties, to put it mildly. Bubblegum had him held in a secret room in the dungeon and interrogated him personally. All friendly means of persuasion had failed to sway the stubborn creature, as had every trick she knew. Although she never enjoyed resorting to such lows, some more "direct" means were necessary to obtain the precious gem of information she had received.

"The Minstrel will lead us to freedom," he had said. Not meant to be an answer to her questioning, Bubblegum nevertheless found the statement valuable. It was what lead her to her number one suspect: Lemonhope.

It was the most likely scenario, anyway. A musician whom the Lemon People had history with, and one who had been a large inspiration to the rebels, it was very likely his name may have ascended to such a title. It would also explain the RFID readings, having chipped him when she had first rescued him from the Earldom. The only loose end would be his sudden appearance now. He may have caught word of what was happening somewhere out there in his adventures and returned to ease his guilty conscience yet again. She was the one who had taught Lemonhope his responsibilities to his people, so this was not an outrage in and of itself. Perhaps his years of wandering had taught him what she could not. If this was the case, he would not be punished for his interference. However, it was impossible to tell for certain unless she could talk to him.

Regardless of this lead the situation was now more dangerous than ever, and judging by his appearance, Warren could still be a wild card. He was wearing the uniform he was found in, complete with the hole and blood stain he refused to have repaired. Uniforms of the old United States military were all he ever wore; a glaring sign that his loyalties weren't yet fully where Bubblegum wanted them. Putting down her tea, she tilted her head to the side and looked him over in detail.

"Did I spill some or something?" Warren asked, raising an eyebrow.

"No, no," Bubblegum said softly. "I was just thinking."

"About what?" he prompted, setting down his tea.

"Just various head of state stuff, running the Kingdom, you know," she sighed.

"You know, there's a little bit of history I've been meaning to share with you. Think you might find it interesting. Back in the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries, there was this period in time historians used to call The Enlightenment. It was the beginning of modern Western civilization's era of reason. The superstitions of the middle ages would give way to the facts of science. Critical thinking would challenge the accepted conventions for the development of new and better societies. It was the time of the greatest and most rapid human developments of all time, if you ask me. Sure, the information age had its massive tech boom, but that kind of plateaued by around the time my parents were born. Anyway, there was a Prussian king of this time period, Frederick the Great. He considered himself a champion of Enlightenment thinking. Fused with the philosophies of absolutism, he ruled his territory with a sense of reason and benevolence. Prussia prospered under his rule, as did several other countries who had adopted this new thinking. It didn't last, though. Men and women of his caliber are few and far between, aren't they? There was another great German leader in the late nineteenth century that fit the criteria, though. Otto von Bismarck. He was also a Prussian, but the product of a more modern time. He carried out the principles of Enlightenment with his own style. Realpolitik, they called it. Ideals were all well and good but results took precedence. That kind of thinking made a region of fractured nation-states into a superpower in under half a century. Of course, his successors lacked his competence and it all came crashing down in the First World War. How would history look if those two men had lived a thousand years, I wonder? Fascinating thought, isn't it? You know, the Enlightenment movement also gave birth to my nation. Funny how things change given context." As Warren finished his monologue, he leaned forward and looked upwards, as though gazing pensively into his thoughts.

Bubblegum knew this was his polite way of both complimenting but also criticizing her empire. She had few intellectual competitors in science and technology, but none in social science. She felt a sense of respect for the man, and it was nice to talk to someone capable of intellectual criticism, but it was nevertheless not promising for her ambitions to win him over for her empire. Still, things remained friendly between the two, and so far as she knew, he was still passive. She would have to keep a close eye on him to make sure it stayed that way.

* * *

Warren knew it wasn't a good idea to challenge Bubblegum while he was still going incognito, but something in him seemed to demand it. He had always been a man of pride, unwilling to bend from what he believed, even for a ruse. Something about this seemed different, though. There was a duel on between the two, undoubtedly, but he felt that they had forged something real in spite of that. Too much subterfuge seemed like a betrayal of his best friend. Perhaps his conscience wanted her to see through him. Whether his pride or his sense of loyalty, he reminded himself that the consequences weren't his alone anymore; the Free Lemons depended on him.

Speaking of whom, Warren felt another pang of guilt over the fate of Seed-Wad. He languished in a dungeon while Warren drank tea with his captor. All because Warren had been careless. They were halfway through the evac operation in the tunnel before Warren realized Bubblegum was tracking him. It was a matter of mere chance that she had placed a tracker in the seed shipment that had created Seed-Wad, and that he knew of its presence. He volunteered to stay behind to confuse any detection attempts. Through a note delivered via Science, the Veritas Brigade knew of all that had transpired and were conspiring a prison break and smuggling operation to get him out, but Warren would almost certainly be on close watch. Removing or jamming the tracker would tip Bubblegum off, so like it or not, he had to lay low and let everyone else do the work for now.

He certainly left them quite the resources, though. The Free Lemons were presently restoring Raven Rock to operational status. The other sites were likely buried under miles of rock and they didn't have Bubblegum's ground-penetrating radar system, but they did bring Sweetie with them. They would be within reach in due time. R7 would have to do for now. In a clandestine visit to Warren's cabin utilizing a horse suit, Citron had expressed amazement with the facility's immense size, technological sophistication, and defensive capabilities. It was a de facto fortress hidden in the Earth. Warren knew it was more than that, though.

All 6 active sites working in tandem under a full staff would have afforded the facility 100 years of complete self-sufficiency for a population of over a thousand. Though not exactly a production facility, the base also possessed the capability to manufacture various components to maintain its weapons and vehicle fleet. Many of these functions had been heavily damaged by the cataclysms it had witnessed since, in addition to a millennium of neglect. In spite of that, in this new world Raven Rock was still a veritable society building starter kit.

For good or ill, a new banner would rise in Ooo. Warren would live for what he believed in, as would all who felt the same calling.

* * *

Finn stood outside the cave entrance leading to Marceline's house. He was about to place an enormous amount of his closest personal thoughts, feelings, and memories in her keeping, and it made him nervous, almost afraid. The feeling reminded him of his attempts to face his fear of the ocean as a young boy. If there was anyone he felt he could trust with aiding him on the journey to his vault, though, it was Marceline. They had experienced each other's memories once before, to combat the treachery of her ex-boyfriend Ash. This felt different, though, but he couldn't exactly determine why.

A large part of him wanted to run, to say something had come up, or to play it off as a setup for a prank. But Finn knew he couldn't. He had explained enough over the phone to cut off any means of chickening out later. He had told her all about his mental vault, and was surprised when she understood A part of him knowing he was doing the right thing, another simply resigned to its fate, he stepped into the cave and arrived before the Vampire Queen's house.

The door opened before he knocked; she must have been watching for him. With an air of seriousness not often expressed by Marceline, she bade him entry. As he entered the house, he noticed things had been moved from their standard positions. The uncomfortable, old couch was forced into a corner, opening a large space in the living room. In this space, Marceline had set up two makeshift beds with pillows and blankets. She spoke.

"I knew accessing your vault wouldn't be easy. Your conscious mind built it to keep things out, after all. So, I had an idea." She produced a pouch of powder from her pocket. "This is a dream powder. It will transport us both into a dream world inside your mind. Things will manifest themselves in physical form, which I can help you deal with as you see fit. I'll be able to wake us if things get too intense. Does that sound okay for you?"

Finn always had confidence in his physical abilities. If accessing the vault felt like a normal fight or dungeon, that would help significantly. Still, he felt himself stalling.

"Where did you get that?"

"I did some research on my own, then nicked the ingredients from Ash. He let me right in. Thought I was there to get back with him. Idiot. He's in Wizard City now, getting treatment for severe bruising, a concussion, a few broken bones… He won't be bothering us," she said matter-of-factly.

Finn smiled a little at Ash's fate. The jerkwad deserved what he got.

"Okay, Marcy. I guess I'm ready," he said with a deep breath.

"I'm happy to help, Finn. You've been a great friend and helped me with so much. It's an honor to return the favor," she said with a small smile. "So long as you're sure about this," she added with genuine concern. Marceline was a free-spirited radical dame, but she was also capable of so much warmth and compassion. It solidified Finn's resolve.

Nodding stiffly, he took his position on one of the makeshift mats. Marceline floated to the other before gently lowering herself to the ground.

"I can float for normal sleep, but I'm not sure if I'll stay up with this stuff. Better safe than sorry," she explained in response to Finn's puzzled expression. "Just close your eyes. On three, then. One. Two. Three."


End file.
